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Take it Slow, Don’t Rush Her

In the early stages of a girlfriend led love affair, wife led marriage there’s often a mismatch of expectations and desires.

The submissive boyfriend or husband is ready to be – at least imagines he is – to be her compleat slave. The woman has just begun exploring.

Over time she’s likely to become more and more comfortable with exerting authority over her beloved. And her taste for sadistic games may well increase.

But he’s already pushing for more now. Expressing frustration and disappointment that she isn’t exerting more female dominance. Pushing someone to feel dominant is the last thing to do to make them feel empowered. And it may cause her to abandon being on top altogether.

If you’ve convinced the woman you love to begin taking control be grateful and patient. Make sure this new experience is comfortable.

Make her happy: you claim that is the goal don’t you?

Originally posted 2007-12-16 11:06:26.

Male Orgasm Denial: Serious or Sensual?

Enforced Male Chastity: Morality or Fun

Solid Metal Male Chastity Device

Chastity, orgasm denial play seems one of the fundamentals of interaction between dominant women and submissive men.

One of the most common notions surrounding male orgasm modification and denial is that it makes the man more wholesome, loving, responsive, kinder: he’ll take the trash out. Really if garbage disposal is a serious issue in a romantic relationship then you can only wonder if the is a good reason they haven’t divorced.

Less commonly written about but probably more relevant and true is that controlling orgasms makes sex after the chastity device comes off ever more passionate and sexy. All that repressed lust and desire leaves a man molten and that – Femdom propaganda aside – is what most women want.

The foolish folklore about chastity play seems to mainly be propagated by men who feel frustrated that no woman is frustrating them.

What is your own take on orgasm denial and consensual male chastity? Is it morally improving or fun?

Milking a Man to Humble Him

Milking isn’t something that Alexandra and I are likely to explore but as long as I’m talking about genital manipulation the practice might as well get a passing glance.

I remember when a local dominant woman told me that she milked her men. That a man could be made to ejaculate without orgasm was startling.

My response was an ineloquent “Weird!” and I forgot about it.

Given my inclinations it is no surprise that milking would be added to to my catalog of fantasies. Knowing almost nothing about enforced chastity my image was of a S&M session beginning with milking. Having your sexual energies zapped must make things tougher.

Turns out this is a fairly common punishment scenario. In arrangements where a man is only milked and whipped it is must make the pain harder to endure. In relationships where the scene lasts a couple of hours or longer it would add tension to the early minutes. While having never tested it my guess is sexual arousal and endorphin potential would resurface in half an hour or less.

Within relationships where male chastity is an important (if not the defining) element milking can be taken to strenuous levels:

A particularly effective way of increasing an orgasm deprived male’s sense of sexual frustration between prostate milkings is to masturbate him once a day every day to just short of orgasm, then install a chastity device. I’d say this at least triples the urgency of orgasm denial. If you do this, you will need to milk him more often, maybe every 2-4 weeks. After milking, the cycle can be started over. One woman I know sometimes masturbates her hubby to just short of orgasm multiple times a day between milkings!

Prostate Milking Revisited

If not impressively sinister:

Prostate milking sometimes involves your keyholder placing ice around the cock and balls to reduce your enjoyment. Inventive mistresses and masters have even designed home made ice trays to freeze the water in a shape of a thick ice cock ring, which the chaste man must wear during the weekly milking session.

Prostate Information and Milking

Makes a good story anyway. How long would that ring last?

I don’t see such practices involving me (pending of course Alexandra developing new interests) but it is a curious practice. Forcing a male to eject seminal fluid sans orgasm is one of the most fundamentally humiliating practices I’ve run across.

Most interesting of all is that many of the stories written about it are composed by men.

Earlier: Orgasm Denial

As always I’m happy to hear from folks who practice something like milking.

Female Led Manners

Submissive Male Deportment

This lesson is about the manners and behaviors of a male. We cover some very important areas here on how a male will communicate with his Mistress/Owner. The day-to-day tempo is very important for the comfort and well being of everyone involved in this relationship. It may seem irrational at times because you are not permitted to speak out of turn, however, you will soon learn the importance of being allowed to speak. You are given more thought to the words you say and with this thought many things change. You need to consider the nature of your Mistress/Owner. She is unlike any other woman you’ve encountered before. If she wanted to be around the typical and average male she wouldn’t be wasting her time with you.

I thoroughly enjoy a well-behaved male. Arrogance and a smart ass turn off most dominant women. Some women might like a smart ass because it stimulates her dominant passions, however I can’t imagine she’ll allow this to go on a day-to-day basis. If you are a smart ass, the chances of you finding a daily relationship might be few. You might become a playmate yet not permitted to be a live-in. It is not up to you to decide. Every woman has her own rules. What I am outlining here are my expectations when it comes to a male.

The males I have trained are well accepted by dominant women so I feel that my training is very effective, still, be sure to sit down and discuss it with your Mistress/Owner. I prefer to be addressed as “Ma’am” or “Goddess”. Never reply with a “Yep”, “OK”, or any other word you would use around a buddy. Your Goddess is not your buddy but one who should be respected at all times. You must never lose sight of this. Always acknowledge her with a yes or no “Ma’am’! And always be enthusiastic. A bad attitude will get you nothing but a finger pointing towards the door.

The attitude of a male is VERY important. I cannot stress this enough. To serve a woman means serving her emotional needs and a good attitude will do this. Never talk back. No matter what. Because she is such a creative and complex being, you must be willing to accept all aspects of her personality. Remember that you serve her in ALL ways so if she wants to snap at you or make a derogatory statement, you should not answer with an excuse or try to defend yourself. You should simply say “Yes, ma’am.” If she told you to jump six feet into the air you should not laugh and say “Goddess I can not do that.” You should first try, try, try no matter how foolish it looks. When you have tired and realized that you cannot do what she asks, you must beg forgiveness. Do you understand how this could apply to almost anything? She may be serious as a heart attack or in a playful mood purposely yanking your chain. Your smart-ass remarks and excuses will only piss her off. Trust me on this.

You should never ask her for sexual favors of any kind. Don’t ever make sexual remarks or innuendos. This is totally disrespectful. She will set the tempo and let you know what she wants and needs. If you have expectations and preconceptions, you need to reevaluate your desire to be involved in female supremacy. You must put a cap on your ego and any idea of being in control of this relationship. She will study you and know what’s best for you. You learn to trust in this and not challenge or read into it. The best time to have conversation and discuss concerns is while she is relaxing. You should already be performing some type of daily adoration such as a relaxing foot rub. Ask her if she’d like a foot rub. If you know how to do it right, she’ll never refuse unless she’s busy. Learn how to do it right. Once she is relaxed ask for permission to speak. She will give it or ask you to speak to her later. It is best not to force a discussion with her when she’s not in the mood. If you feel that you really need to talk to her about something it’s best to write a note and give it to her. Be sure to make reference to its urgency.

Example: “Goddess when you have a few moments I would like to speak to you about a personal matter.”

Or “Goddess when you have some time I would like to discuss some things about the house.”

Or “Goddess it is imperative that I speak to you as soon as possible about a private personal matter.”

If you say it’s urgent it better be urgent!

Each woman has her own way of communicating with a male. I like to talk to them in the morning when they bring me my coffee. My coffee is brought to me and I get a foot rub while I drink my first cup. This is the best time to speak to me. I’ll ask you about the weather and how things are around the house. I will also explain what I need done that day. This is a good time to talk to me. My days are full and very busy. I normally won’t feel like talking at the end of a stressful day. I try to set aside at least one night a week where my male and I sit down to eat and talk without interruption. Communication is very important, however you must remember your place and never lose sight of this. The energy of a male is very important. There is certain behavior that will surely get and keep her attention. Here are a few examples.

Entering a room: Never go barging into a room. Your male energy is intrusive when it breaks her woman space so suddenly. Do not knock on the door. Simply stand in the entrance and wait for her to acknowledge you. If she does not and looks busy you should not bother her. Unless it is urgent, go away and come back later. This is especially important when she has other lady friends or guests present.

Approaching or being called: If she doesn’t have one already you should supply your lady with a servants bell. I hate nothing more then to have to scream for a male. The sound of a bell will carry and be heard much further. It’s up to you to make sure she has this bell close at hand. You can buy lots of bells, however it’s just as simple to locate her, check on where she is and make sure the bell is sitting close at hand. You should make her needs part of your moment-to-moment consciousness. After all this is your purpose in life. When you are called you should waste no time getting to her. You should walk to the doorway and stop. She will tell you to come in and you will kneel next to her.

There are signals each Goddess will have to change your attitude or position. Everyone is different. These signals may be used in public for subtle and private communication. Here are some that I use:

One snap of my finger: Kneel instantly and I do mean he better drop!

Two snaps: Kneel and kiss my foot

One clap of my hands: I want him to remove his clothes… everything!

When I say “male’s name” go check on my dogs.” It means that I want him to leave the room. Or I may have another phrase like:
“Why don’t you go see what the weather will be like next week.”

Then if we are in public and I feel he is getting out of line I might say, “I have always dreamed of going to Alaska.” He knows that if I say this out of the blue his ass will be grass when we get home!

I have other signs and signals I use for different circumstances. Not all males need these and some need to be clobbered on the head to act right. Some of you have a lot of common sense while others are senseless. It’s up to you to help find ways for your Domina to communicate. This begins by you behaving yourself.

Your assignment for the next month is to be polite and respectful to ALL women. Say “Yes, Ma’am” and “No Ma’am”, “please”, etc. You know what to do. Do this with ALL women, even younger women. If you have a daughter do the same. Show respect and use good manners. The practice of this will help you become a better male.

The above was written by Goddess Dianna Vesta one of the great educators and entrepreneurs of Femdom. I don’t see any sign that she is active or has a website. But I may not have searched properly. Let me know.

Originally posted 2012-10-21 16:29:55.

Females Punishing Males (F/m Spanking Drawings)

Sissymaids and other submissive men, male slaves get punishment and disciplinary spankings by various kinds of dominant women.

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More Bill Ward art.

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Sorenutz at Erotic Illusions.

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More sissy art.

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Do any of the spankings shown above match any of your F/m fancies?

Female Humiliation of the Submissive Male (F/m Psychology)

Submissive Male Emotional Masochism

By Apollinaire

female-humiliaton-of-the-submissive-male

Image by Annmo Night

When I know something about myself the knowledge has no power.(In this context, anyway) When someone else knows something about me then the knowledge becomes powerful. (Will they tell on me? What will they do with that knowledge?)

The helpless manipulation a male experiences as a result of exposing or being exposed, as well as plain degradation is “Humiliation”.

Good examples include anything that reveals the submale’s nature. For example Have your male get a tan wearing a bikini top, show his nakedness to your friends, make him buy lingerie and try it on at the store, etc. The point is to get the male to agonize over the power you have over him by your understanding of him.

Send him to a girlfriends to clean house during a superbowl party (in which he is not allowed to participate), make sure everyone knows he’d rather obey his woman than watch the game. Have him describe to your friends how you fucked him in the ass.

Anything that contrasts the male’s position and social status against the woman’s by rubbing his face in it, so to speak.

I mentioned previously the effects of eliminating self-importance. Humiliation is perhaps the most direct approach. There are, other aspects that are not so obviously humiliating, but, I feel are well suited to being grouped among this topic. Always having your male refer to himself in the third person is one. Punish for the use of I, me, my, mine.

Instead, have your male use “your slave” or “your servant” in place of I. (Ma’am, may your servant use the bathroom? etc.) This consciously enforces upon the males psyche the realization that he exists more as an extension of the woman than as a distinct individual. You may want to practice listening for a while before you enforce this, as behavior modification is less successful when any infractions are accidentally overlooked.

Depravity of any material possessions, including clothing. (I’m sure you can lend him something nice if it is cold.) Forced fasting, especially good for overweight submales, is actually quite healthy. A reasonably healthy male can easily go 3-7 days with no solid food, with zero negative consequence. It’s pretty humiliating to be denied access to food. Particularly in the US where we are the breadbasket to the world. (For more info on fasting I recommend “The Miracle Of Fasting” by Paul Bragg.) After all isn’t that the ultimate femdom; to rule over all the male’s lusts, including the appetite. (Be careful with this one though, it’s easy to start a rebellion.)

Why would a male want to be humiliated? I know in my own case, when I was perhaps 11 or 12 I had a powerful crush on a girl that was in the next higher grade. Being somewhat socially inept, I used to follow her around and not say very much. Somewhat annoyed, she began to do things to discourage me. (So I perceive now. At the time I thought that’s just what girls do to boys.)

She would tease me about my appearance, remarking how I looked and acted like a girl. This evolved to “wrestling”. (Actually there was very little resistance on my part, she just pretty much pinned me down and beat me up, then teased me in front of her friends that I couldn’t even take a girl.) She even made me push a penny down the street with my nose.

One time, after an argument about whether I really was a boy or a girl, she and a girlfriend bullied me into pulling my pants down and playing with my dick enough to make it hard. This was in her backyard and lasted only 1 or 2 minutes, but was one of the defining moments of my life. I was feeling so many different things. Embarrassment, shame, horny, submissive, vulnerable, excited, it was such a rush to be exposed in front of them, they carried on as though it were perfectly normal, that I was the abnormal one for making a fuss.

It was so humiliating realizing that they knew things about the way my body worked, things I didn’t know. She actually had to explain what “jack-off” meant. I did what she told me, I dry stroked my cock and it felt so good, the hormones were just flooding my system.

I had little understanding of sex. I had never yet ejaculated; I didn’t even know what it was. (But found out in a big way not long after that experience. When it happened I actually thought I broke my dick because it puked up all this nasty mess and made my erection go away afterward. “Holy shit!, now I’ve done it”, I thought.)

Even now it is kind of embarrassing when I think, a girl taught me to masturbate! Humiliation, for me, always lets me relive the feelings I experienced then. It is also, definitely something to do with the hormones released as a result of that state (humiliation). I don’t know if it’s adrenaline or what, but it is definitely an exhilarating sensation.

These are some of the underlying factors I perceive as a male. They are the underlying factors I believe to reflect my own personal psychological reasons for finding the mentioned activities to be such a powerful stimulant to Jing. (why it gets me so hot) I am sure it is so for other males as well.

I would be most interested in hearing from women who also find this arousing and some of the deeper reasons why they think that might be so, to hear the woman’s point of view. In the future I intend to include a more specific listing of techniques.

I, again, would be interested in hearing from anyone that has any activities they would like to see included in that list.

Ruined Orgasm Stories I

In 2006 I wrote a note about the F/m practice of ruining a man’s orgasm. It has continued to draw comments over the years. I thought I’d share some of those comments with you over a fes posts here on Female Led Relationships.

Chastity Control on a Sissy Sub

I have practised Chastity Control on my sissy sub for two years. There nothing funnier than ruining his orgasm after hes waited two months for it. I basically restrain him so he cant move, then masturbatedhim. At the moment he cums, I squeeze the base of his cock HARD between my thumb and finger. This complete ruins the orgasm, stopping the muscle contractions, and leaving and the semen to dribble out. This I follow with a stiff whipping, and the cock restraint is placed straight back on. This is usually enough to produce some very pleasing tears of pain and frustration, and of course, total obedience for two more months.

Punished for an Erect Penis

If I ever arrive for a spanking with an erection, I am told to get a towel and return for a milking. She calmly lowers my panties just enough to remove my hard penis, which is stroked methodically and without much talk in a very businesslike manner. The moment any spasm is detected, she lets go. My hands are behind my back and I ejaculate in a most unsatisfactory display of stupid male behavior. I almost dance around as my penis is looking for something…anything…to touch, but, alas, none is forthcoming. When I’ve stopped dripping, (I’ve messed the towel, of course), she simply pulls my panties back up. When I’d normally have them lowered for the bare bottom part of my spanking, instead, they’re pulled up into my bottom crack, leaving my bottom exposed for the spanking I’ve earned, but now my penis and other private parts are encased in the nylong panties. My penis is VERY sensitive and spankings are more painful just after a milking….and, of course, being milked is a humiliating way to start my punishment.

Ruin Orgasms Repeatedly

A side benefit to ruining an orgasm is the mistress is able to do it more than once, since a satisfying orgasm has not been reached. I love to combine a ruined orgasm with some kind of pain, esp. ballbusting. Not only does the male not receive an orgasm when his body expects it, but testicular pain is substituted. Paddling the testicles with my fingers as he’d dribbling out his ruined orgasm is very amusing for me.

Explicity Fantasy

Fantasize: After a ruined orgasm the slave has a short time limit to acheive ogasm. Of course the mistresses limit is always seconds to short. OR She ties the base of his penis tightly, after full erection & watches with amusemsnt as the poor thing pounds away until she is satisfied with its colour.

Switches

One of my goals with the Thought Experiments is to suppress my own opinion. I have sites for those. I’d prefer to maintain a detached, clinical approach here in hopes the readers will supply the opinions. That self-abnegation isn’t nearly as easy as I’d hoped.

That there is a controversy surrounding people who switch: who enjoy both sides of D/s and / or S&amp:M experiences baffles me.

Do you believe that there are kinky people who really are switches or do you see falsehood in their claims?

As near as I’ve ever seen it appears that the arguments objecting to the concept of switching assume that people are dominant or submissive. Period.

And the discussion that follows tends to demonstrate one of the great weaknesses of mass education. People take college courses in psychology and ethnology and take their elementary education as a source of expertness. Or they read some fairly simple popular books on social anthropology and quote the bits they like.

As with bisexuality I can’t help but see this as proof that people are so protective of their own sexual orientation that they feel compelled to reject anything that conflicts with it. Just as monosexual people – gay and heterosexual – often reject sexual and affectional fluidity as false, hypocritical or deluded so do some BDSM people with power exchange orientation.

Perhaps they sense some of this fluidity within themselves but are so attached to what they’ve established with one mode leaves them feeling threatened by the idea of loosening up. Also some people seem to feel that being able to move outside a specific role threatens the validity of the role they want the other person to maintain.

Accepting that some men and women are both sadistic and masochistic, dominant and submissive seems to require nothing more than accepting that much of human sexuality is a matter of degrees and often contingent in context.

Are BDSM switches, uh, ouch ‘real?’ Is switching roles legitimate?

Originally posted 2012-11-03 08:08:55.

Forced Homosexuality & Male Submissiveness (F/m Psychology)

By Apollinaire

For women interested in introducing their males to homosexuality the strap on is an excellent way to begin. Start by forcing the male to perform oral service to your strap-on, move on to anal penetration (I don’t know if anal orgasms are possible, but I wonder. ;-) ), then have him clean the selected 2nd males cum from your cunt. Finally have your male suck the other off completely. The time frame for the progression along these milestones may be from weeks to years, depending on the individual.

I perceive the desire to be forced into this activity something akin to an offering. “Look at what I am willing to do to please you. My servitude knows no bounds.” Indeed, one way to raise the status of the woman is to lower the status of the man (in the mind of the submissive male this truth is obvious). Is there anything more humbling for the male than to suck off a man as his woman watches on. Seeking to glorify his woman the sub male willingly submits to this.

Dominance & Submission Are Sexual Orientation

Shouldn’t an adequate model of personal sexuality include sadism, masochism, dominance, submission, kinks and fetishes?

Sexual performance – the desire to beat another or be the target of a whipping – is as much a part of sexual orientation and identity as the gender of who you want to interact with sexually. And for certain women and men a specialized erotic act – licking boots, trampling on someone – is the most desired, perhaps even the exclusive source of sexual pleasure.

Aren’t your S&M and D/s desires and needs as much of your sexuality as anything else about you?

Originally posted 2012-11-10 07:12:21.

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