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Submitting to the Feminine

Feminine sensuality.

(Old newsgroup posting by Katharine Hawks.)

I do believe that “submitting to the feminine” is one of the more common patterns in F/m relationships.

Speaking for myself, that squicks me. I don’t want anyone submitting to the “feminine” in me. Blech. And while I’m content to use that energy to my advantage every once in a while, I only feel comfortable with it as a sideline or occasional subtext. I wouldn’t feel comfortable with it as a mainstay.

For example, I was recently dressing for a party and I called my boy upstairs to help me dress. I was wearing a latex tank top and certainly enjoyed the way she got all drooly when I asked her to help apply the shine . It was also fun to have her help me pick out clothes — that moment between us was *very* gendered and were certainly playing off the “feminine mystique” stuff. I know she felt like she had entered a *secret girly world*.

I can also play occasionally with gender supremacy in the right context and enjoy that dynamic. But again, as a steady diet.. .blech.

This is because I don’t go through my life always experiencing my gender. Not all moments are gendered for me. Similarly, I cannot imagine a dynamic as rich as dominance/submission stemming *only* from a gender dynamic. While some of my power does come from my gender — most of it comes from other sources. From my experiences in life, from my perceptiveness, from my sense of ethics, from my sadism, from my intellect, by being a good decision-maker, by being open of heart, etc.

And I am more likely to be turned on by someone who submits to me because of these qualities rather than the uninteresting nature of the fact that I’m gendered. (Since most of us are gendered in some way, I don’t feel like that makes me unique or worthy of someone’s submission. I enjoy much more the sense that someone is submitting to me because of qualities that I’ve worked very hard to develop and nurture.)

Originally posted 2009-03-04 07:19:09.

Worthless Submissive Males

Inferior Malesub Scum

Though I’m not able to keep track as much as I used to I’m still convinced there is one substantial barrier to submissive men establishing any sort of relationship with dominant women that they could easily correct by simply adjusting their perceptions and consequent behavior.

  • Don’t write a woman and tell her how you are an inferior creature fit only for female control.
  • Don’t tell a dominant woman that you want to be some sort of dehumanized slave.
  • Don’t try to sell a female top on your value by boasting that you don’t deserve any rights or freedom.

Why would any woman want to burden her life with a worthless man. Or spend time with someone who is really inferior. Or has so little self-respect he wants to be deprived of every last iota of liberty.

An experience female top knows the man can’t distinguish reality from fantasy.

You may masturbate to being told you are worthless because you are a man. But women don’t.

If you want to meet a dominant woman tell her why you are worth knowing as a man. Then she can decide if she wants to have power over you.

Originally posted 2012-10-05 05:13:47.

F/m Spanking Advice for the Novice Female Spanker

My advice is to use what Is called domestic discipline.

You do not need to be an expert.

Find your tool.

Use a flat wooden hair brush, back scrubber, spatula, etc…a nice big wooden spoon works well and also is very quiet if privacy is needed . use the smooth back side of the spoon. Any of these will work, but I recommend buying a spanking paddle.

They are all over the net. However for beginners the wooden brush or spoon is very effective.

Now that you have your tool . You need to put him over your knee it must be done this way to gain a powerful presence over him .

Even if your man is a big burly guy you can position him over your knee easily it may take a few try to figure this out .

The only other way it should be done is with him bent over a chair with his behind in the air slightly. You will then have a powerful position over him.

begin the spanking by swatting light but fast to the dead center of one of his cheeks .Then the other, alternate between the two cheeks . Keep the swats in the same spot every time and always on the meaty part of his bottom. increase the strength as you go on

Be very verbal during this.Let him know why you are spanking him. Let him know who is in charge in your home. Let him know why you are mad with him . Ask him if he understands? ask him if he is going to be good.

The spanking should end when you feel satisfied or he is crying . Or he is complying to what ever it is you were trying to achieve.

After this has ended you will feel a great relief as well and he will have a whole new outlook.

ALL men will love and respect you for this. Most men pay me to do this do them.

Are You Submissive or Masochistic?

Power Exchange vs Sadomasochism

Vintage Femdom Supremacy

I remember wondering once if I were really submissive or soley masochistic. I saw no shame in that but in not being sure of my own nature I couldn’t be sure what I could offer a dominant partner.

Here’s part of an old discussion:

The lines aren’t always very cleanly drawn. There’s a lot of overlap. A lot of people are into some of what we do, some of us are into a lot of what we do, some of us may even be into almost everything that we do (howdy, Philip!), but nobody is into everything that we do. We’re all a blend of some of the ingredients, and in each of us, that blend has a different flavor. In some of us, a spoonful of the stew shows a heavy proportion of sadism. Some of us taste more like bondage, and others of us taste like a whole pot of submissiveness, with nary a trace of masochism.

But in the end, you are what you are – if you think you’re submissive, but don’t consider yourself a masochist, then that’s probably what you are. That’s what I am, in fact. I hate pain, but then again, I need it as a component of my submission. So even though I’m not a masochist, when my sadist lover crops me or clamps my nipples, she’d doing sadism – so therefore, we’re doing sadomasochism.

I would suggest that you don’t need to understand it much more deeply than that – it’s not that complex. Submissive but not a masochist? That’s actually quite common. They key is to know who you are, and what you need, as well as who you *aren’t* and what you “don’t* need – if you’ve got that sorted out and you can keep it clear in your mind, then that’s a big step towards feeling at peace with it. And feeling at peace with it is the key to self-acceptance. Once you’ve attained self-acceptance, you’ll probably find that the exact definitions aren’t really that important.

As for a lot of the BDSM literature seeming inappropriate – well, you’re not the first to notice that. If you’re referring to the fiction, it’s mostly fantasy material. It’s only appropriate if it fits you. Most of it doesn’t fit that many real people. Don’t feel ill at ease if you find that you’re one of those it does not fit. You’re not alone.

Just be who you are, and you’ll always be on the right course.

More:

The first thing I think is that I get a little uncomfortable when I see this put in one *VS* the other kind of terms. That seems to imply some kind of tension between the two things that, IMO, just doesn’t exist. Having said that, I will offer up and old and tired analogy – Kink, BDSM, WIITWD, or whatever you want to call it is like a smorgasbord. There are so many things to choose from. People can choose whatever they like, in whatever combination. They can have all one thing or a little bit of everything or anywhere in between.

It does seem that there is a lot more information out there about S&M than there is about D/s, but I think that’s to be expected. It’s a lot easier to write a how-to about flogging or suspension or whathaveyou than it is to write about how dominance and submission work. The basics of S&M play are about the same for everyone – the same safety factors and such apply pretty much across the board. But, IMO, D/s is a much more individual thing. I’m not saying that’s better or worse, just different. I suspect it’s easier to write fiction about S&M, too. A lot of it is very D/s-y, but I don’t think I’ve seen much that doesn’t have S&M elements. It can be hard to describe one’s kink to others. Most often, unless one is describing one’s kink to a potential partner of whatever sort, it’s just not all that important that they understand exactly where one is coming from.

I guess at parties and such, it’s the S&M play that gets noticed. That’s where the action is, after all. But if one looks, there’s a lot of D/s play going on, too. It just doesn’t require special equipment or a lot of space. While I think there is a perception that S&M is the predominant kink, I don’t think that people who aren’t into S&M are rare. I think there are a lot of kinky people who are neither sadists nor masochists. Just like there are a lot of kinky people who are neither dominant nor submissive.

In my own case I discovered that I’m very masochistic. And – with the right person – very submissive.

Originally posted 2010-10-28 14:03:16.

Female-Led Spanking Advice for the Newly Dominant Woman

How to Spank Your Boyfriend or Husband the First Time

how-to-spank-a-man-advice-tips.jpg

  • Warm-up is important. Start the spanking session by slightly cupping your hands and lightly hitting each buttock one at a time, always targeting the fleshy, middle part of his butt.
  • A good way to gauge how hard you should spank is to watch your husbands reaction. If he’s having a tough time taking it, use a lighter touch. But if he tells you to spank him harder, by all means go for it!
  • Gently rub the skin after every few strokes. Rubbing creates a more sensual vibe, increases blood flow, and allows your partner to take the next stroke with more ease.
  • Lightly scratch the buttocks with your fingernails after you rub them to boost arousal.
  • Once you’ve created a nice rosy hue on the buttocks, cool his buns down with ice between smacks. The ice is soothing — but the slick surface will make your next smack sting even more!
  • Try different positions while spanking. Making him bend down and touch his toes creates a taut bottom, rendering the sting of your hand much more powerful! Have him bend over a chair or lay across the ottoman, use your imagination.
  • Put him over your knee for some good old-fashioned fun!
  • If the spanking is more punitive than foreplay, forget the above niceties and let him have it. Make sure to forgive and forget afterwards, that’s the reason for the punishment. Be sure to lecture him about what is causing the discipline while you are spanking as well.

Please free to add your own advice or suggestions for the novice female dominant beginning corporal punishment of men.

Unsatisfying Orgasms (Male Slave Training & Mind Control)

Decreased Sexual Pleasure & Male Slave Conditioning

by Gynarchic Slave Trainer

Please do not quote me on this procedure as I have not tried it out yet on my boy.. At least not yet but will just to see how well it works.

Of course I would like input from the more experienced people here and any further advise and suggestion would be gratefully accepted. Thanks again to all those who have responded so far on this matter.

The Milking of a Slave

I’ve been a believer in the Milking procedure for male slaves. Some Mistress’s may find it of interest.

Male pleasure, from orgasm, occurs when there is strong pulsation as he expels the semen. The muscle contractions are what allow him gratification.

If you want to deny pleasure, you must find a way to lessen the force of the contractions, yet extract a discharge of semen.

You may remember your high school or college discussion of Pavlov and his dogs. He conditioned them so that they salivated upon hearing a bell ring.

All animals, including humans, are subject to being conditioned in the same manner. Well, you do not want your slave salivating, you want him to come to orgasm by dribbling his cum, rather than having a pleasurable climax.

This will decrease the intensity of pelvic flexing, yet permit emission of the semen.

If you want to train your slave to produce this result, I suggest that you begin by always calling it his Milking. You should also combine ritual with Pavlovian type conditioning. Here is how to do it:

RITUAL:

It’s important, for conditioning to occur, that there be uniform and recognizable signals given to the subject. Once these are established in his mind, he will respond each time to the same stimuli in an identical manner. But, you can only obtain this conditioning/response reflex if the correct type of training is employed.

To reach a successful result I suggest that certain items and words be used constantly during the conditioning ritual. Thereafter the same items, acts, and words will result in the same response. The items required are:

  1. A rubber dishwashing glove,
  2. A strap, rope, etc. to be used as a c&b device,
  3. Rope, wrist restraints, etc. to secure the subject during training,
  4. A nice container in which to store the items above,
  5. A chair, hook, or some other place where the procedure always takes place,
  6. Words used only when speaking of this procedure. The words should be “Milking Time” for the day of the procedure, “Milking Place” for the chair, hook, or place where it is to take place, “Milking Equipment” for the contents of the container mentioned in 4) above.

CONDITIONING:

Once a week, over a period of three months, the sole sexual relief for the male should be through his being Milked.The procedure used is aimed at allowing him only the weakest muscle contractions as he reaches orgasm.

Unless the slave is properly conditioned, he is likely to seek ways to increase his pleasure during the procedure. He will begin to clench certain muscles at the proper moment, thereby having stronger contractions and a more pleasurable orgasm.

To acquire the ritual items, have the slave purchase all of the “Milking Equipment” and a well-finished box for storage. The box can be a nice locking tea caddy found at furniture stores in most malls. He should then be ordered to keep the box and its contents in a place of honor.

Perhaps his Mistress would like him to maintain a votive candle burning in front of it at all times. Or, she might like him to purchase an expensive silk cloth as a cover for the box. A chair (or ceiling hook – if you like your slave suspended on tip-toes) or other place should be established as the “Milking Place.” It should be used exclusively for this procedure. You want the subject to acquire strong association with the place and the equipment.

The Mistress should wear one rubber glove on her “Milking Hand, during the process. By sight and the smell of the rubber, he will mentally unite the glove with the act of having an unsatisfying orgasm. After he is fully conditioned, when he is restrained in the “Milking Place” the mere act of the Mistress placing the glove on her hand may cause him to dribble out his slime.

During conditioning there should be an established “Milking Time.”

This should be the same day of the week, and hour of the day. The slave’s reflexes thereby are trained by his anticipation as the time draws near. He knows what is to transpire, and learns to produce that which his Mistress expects and desires.

MILKING:

At the appointed “Milking Time” the slave is instructed to prepare the “Milking Place” and to present Mistress with the box containing the “Milking Equipment.” It is important that she use these terms, strengthening his association with them, and the procedure. He is then to assume a proper kneeling position and offer the box to his Mistress.

She should delay accepting it until, under questioning as to his desires, the slave states, “Please Mistress, may I be Milked?”

The Mistress should then announce that it would give her great pleasure to have his slime only trickle out of his organ. “Will you assist in accomplishing that, slave?” she asks. He agrees. She then tells him that if he has a strong orgasm, she will be most displeased.

He agrees to make her happy.

She then takes the box from his outstretched hands. Unlocking it she removes the wrist restraints and other bindings. She hands them to the slave and orders that he go and await her at the “Milking Place.” He is to kneel there and meditate on how he will assist in seeing that the

Milking is the type desired to bring pleasure to his Mistress, not to him.

After a proper delay, the Mistress enters the “Milking Place” and secures the slave. She then applies the restrictive device (ropes or strap) to his organ. It is important that the restriction be rather secure around the root of the organ. You want to prevent semen from flowing up his urethra as much as possible. She does not rush any of this, rather takes her time and sees that she does it the same way each time. When he is fully restrained the glove is removed from the box. Mistress does this with great respect, as if the item is to be revered. Mistress can wear some special lingerie each time she performs the Milking. Reverently laying the glove atop his erection, she leaves to put on her special clothing. This puts the restrained slave alone with all of the physical items for his Milking. He is left there for several minutes, his anticipation building the entire time.

Mistress returns, dons the glove, and begins the slow methodical Milking.

No lubrication is used, and the glove is not allowed to slide over the organ. At the first twitch, pulsation, or other indication of approaching orgasm, she quickly removes her hand. She does not resume the almost mechanical Milking for a full minute.

Sixty seconds is a long time when excitement is high. It is, however, necessary to wait out the full time prior to resumption. This same routine is carried out again and again, ceasing each time that there is the slightest muscle twitch observed or suspected.

During the sixty seconds that the Milking is not taking place, the Mistress should tell the slave how well he is doing, how much pleasure she will get from his having a dribble orgasm, how displeased she will be if he has strong contractions, how he must relax and not do anything to spoil her pleasure, etc. This, in conditioning terms, is the reinforcement stage.

The grand finale is a little squirt from the cock slit, followed by his slime slowly oozing out. While this is occurring Mistress should again give positive reinforcement. Tell him that what is happening is what Mistress wanted, that it gives her great pleasure, that he is a good slave to please her, that once he is fully trained (I’d avoid telling him that he is being conditioned) he will be rewarded with a full orgasm on occasion. Tell him that before he can return to having full orgasms he must be completely trained in being Milked.Tell him that when he reaches the stage that his being “Milked” produces consistently “deliciously unsatisfying” orgasms, Mistress will consider a reward.

REINFORCEMENT:

Positive reinforcement should be used when appropriate. It may seem strange to use praise in a FemDom situation, but is a necessary component for conditioning to occur. On the other hand, poor performance requires negative reinforcement. If the subject produces a less than satisfactory result to the Milking there must be punishment.

Within the context of a Mistress/slave relationship there are usually few things that can be inflicted as true punishment. This is, of course, because of the pain/pleasure dichotomy for which the subject is looking. Each situation is different, but negative reinforcement requires that the subject associate it with it being a penalty, not a desirable event for him. Because of this, only the most general suggestions can be made.

Cotton swabs and capsaicin (pepper) cream, to swab the urethra, or particularly painful nipple clips, etc. Just make sure that permanent damage is not done.

Whatever the Mistress decides to use for negative reinforcement, she should make the slave buy it, have it available at the “Milking Place,” and keep it in his constant view. She wants the slave to see the penalty that waits (for unsatisfactory performance) while she is encouraging him, toward a successful result, with positive reinforcement.

IN CONCLUSION:

Most Mistress’ do not want to be utterly cruel and remove the slave’s ability to reach full climax. What you likely want, is total control over the type of orgasm the slave can experience. You want to create strong association with the Milking time, place and equipment. You want the slave so conditioned that when he is told that he is to be “Milked,” and when he sees all of the ritual items, he produces the desired result.

Once the slave is fully conditioned, the Mistress can revert to monthly or some other schedule, for orgasm by the male. The only caution is to use the Milking terms exclusively for when you want him to have that type orgasm.

When you want to allow him a full-blown orgasm, just go for that.

Mistress should discard the one glove of the pair, keeping only the one for her “Milking Hand.” At any time that this glove becomes soiled with slime from the slave, it must be thrown out, with the slave purchasing a replacement. If Mistress wants to feed the slave whatever he expels, she should use her non-gloved hand. All of this is so the slave comes to regard everything associated with Milking to be special.

The above is respectfully submitted for the pleasure of any Mistress and for the frustration of male slaves. If these techniques are used, the slaves are doomed to “deliciously unsatisfying” orgasms whenever that will give pleasure to their Mistress.

Boot Worship

By Her Bootlicker

“Tim” is right on. The imagined effect is what counts — as someone once commented, the brain is the greatest sexual organ we have.

Clean “special” shoes or boots (they can be kept disinfected) and a washed section of linoleum floor as just what is needed to create the effect, without the infection.

Hint: a little bit of olive oil on the boots, soles and uppers, makes the licking less troublesome, while keeping the leather properly shiny.

By the way, as generations of cocksuckers have proven, there is sno negat8ive health effect from swallowing semen, per se. Try this suggested scene:

Mistress compels Her male slave animal to masturbate while kneeling at Her feet (with a riding crop for encouragement). This is no pleasure: the slave must cum on command, and suffer in the process.

To make it fun, She tells Her slave “not” to cum, but forces it to jerk off faster and faster. Soon, it ejaculates on Her boots; She whips the slave for disobeying Her command not to cum. Then, with Her whip enforcing obedience, the slave licks every drop of the sperm from Her boots, while She gloats and laughs. The psychological fact is that as soon as a male cums, but not inside a woman, all the fun stops at once.

Now, when She forces the male to slurp up the cum, it is onerous and not fun at all — believe me, he suffers! At this point, true submission really happens. (If possible, She should have the slave’s wrists handcuffed [in front of him] while he is pulling at his cock, then order him to stretch his arms out in a worship position. She steps on the handcuff chain, imprisoning Her slave so than it cannot run away in disgust.

Her whip then enforces the bootlicking until She is satisfied that every drop is cleaned. (Then, of course, She may command him to kneel up, so She can wipe the last drops from the tip of Her slave’s cock with Her toe, and have him lick that clean, too, before kissing Her boots in final thanks for being allowed to entertain Her.)

Wonderful!!

This was written as a comment on Boot Worship.

Originally posted 2011-01-11 23:39:50.

Angry Agressive Dominating Women

By Gary

I learned some lessons the night I got into a fight with a Woman I will never dare to forget. That was an altercation with my Girlfriend, Christina, Who took me in marriage as Her submissive and obedient husband 3 months after She beat my silly male ass.

I learned that any man who thinks “no Woman” can beat his ass simply hasn’t met the right Woman yet.

I learned that it can be a frightening thing to find yourself faced with aggressive, unrestrained Feminine anger.

I learned that, regardless of how attractive, sexy, or Feminine a Lady may be, She CAN BE a very effective man beater if She simply has the ATTITUDE, and makes up Her Mind to do it.

I learned when faced with a confident, aggressively angry Woman, a man’s nuts can put him at a clear disadvantage, and make HIM the “weaker sex.”

I honestly believe, if EVERY Woman had the right ATTITUDE, and made up Her Mind to do it, MOST Women are quite capable of beating Their husband’s ass, or beating up Their boyfriend or male lover. I know of MANY such cases myself, other than my own experience.

Originally posted 2010-01-25 14:29:29.

Definitions

Words-Definitions

We need language to communicate, and you needs words for language. I agree it’s not worth drawing blood over, but we do have to keep trying to come to a general agreement about what our own terms mean. We can’t leave it up to people who don’t understand us to come up with the labels, because they won’t be kind *or* accurate. For the sake of better understanding and more precise language we have to keep trying to agree. Until we agree, it’s impossible to successfully promote our self-definitions and make ourselves clear to outsiders who might be trying to be sympathetic.

Nowadays one does not have to earn the title Master or Mistress. It’s simply a convenience. Stop saying “In the golden old days, in the before times, when being a master really meant something and the Old Guard ruled the earth…” la dee da. Those days never happened like that. It’s a myth, and it’s not the way things are now, and it’s not the way they are going to be, either. Go ahead and call yourself Master This or Mistress That…who does it hurt? Nobody. To show respect, it’s OK to address dominants as sir or ma’am, but dominants shouldn’t expect these courtesies from people who aren’t their own subs (or people who want to be their subs). I don’t care how big you think you are, “Master Joe Blow”, you are still just Joe to me, and you can call me Laura.

The term domme for a woman dominant is not generally accepted and I personally don’t like it. We don’t need girlie terms for female doctors or astronauts… a doctor is a doctor, an astronaut is an astronaut, and IMHO a dominant is a dominant. Dom for short. DomM for a male, DomF for a female. I would like to see all sex-segregated terms retired. A female slave is not a slavee’ or a slavess, so… you know. A female sub is not a subbette or a subbess, so… you know. Why have frilly pink terms for a dominant just because she’s female?

Old usenet post.

Originally posted 2010-11-23 11:09:02.

Penectomy

Regularly I receive communications from men assuring me of their profound inferiority to women. They advise me that they are worthless and fit only to be enslaved by a female.

A frequent assertion is that they don’t deserve to have sex and propriety demands they be forbidden orgasms forever. Hence the need for those expensive and imperfect male chastity devices. MCDs can be such a bother: it can be difficult to buy one that fits well, the clever man can elude the promised security.

Now some men opt to have themselves castrated. Naively they expect the operation to rid them of their wicked male sexual appetite. Castration doesn’t work that way. You may not produce semen but you can still achieve an erection, enjoy friction and have an orgasm. Eunuch made good guardians of the harem because they were unable to reproduce not because they couldn’t commit coitus.

So castration isn’t the perfect form of male orgasm denial some men think.

A man who is serious about permanently and irrevocably ending his sex life should choose to have a penectomy. Once his cock has been chopped off he won’t have to worry about MCDs, cleaning or ever failing his vow of chastity. (Perhaps the Vatican should adopt this for priests.)

You can have the surplus flesh stuffed and mounted and your Mistress-Wife can display this as a trophy on the mantle. Imagine how delighted she will be to be married to a man who no longer has a penis. And the envy of all her women friends.

And you can still be moved to involuntary ejaculation by prostate massage.

So if you are a male of absolutely no value, deserving nothing call your doctor today and tell him you want a penectomy. Won’t he be surprised.

Originally posted 2012-10-03 06:18:04.

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