Submissive vs Fetishist: Oversimplification

Stereotypical Value Judgments

Weirdo Fetishist

This captures distinctions and nuances that aren’t reduced to simple black and white judgements:

In my thinking, “fetishist” is a broader term than “submissive” in the sense that a submissive has fetishized certain specific things — servitude, giving up of power in a relationship, humiliation. A submissive is still a fetishist, ultimately, just one with a particular focus.

So one way I interpret your comment is that you feel there are significant numbers of ostensibly submissive guys who have not in fact fetishist these sorts of abstractions that comprise submission; but are instead more into fetishizing objects, or particularly the objectification of their partner as a fetish-object. If this is the sense you intend, then I largely agree.

It’s a difficult distinction because there is, in fact, a gradation (rather than a distinction) as to what people have as their “core fetish” (if there is such a thing). Jon Jacobs solves this problem by saying that a true submissive has by definition fetishized total powerlessness at a very deep level. But I’m not sure how useful such a narrow definition is — it tends to lead to a correspondingly narrow paradigm as to what should constitute d/s practice.

Adding to the definitional problem is a certain cultural effect. I believe society as a whole tends towards objectifying female sexuality, more so than male sexuality. When this tendency is interposed with a female dominant / male submissive dynamic, often the result is a powerful objectification of the female dominant — creating a strong image of a fetish-object top, which is both sought after by the submissive partner, and used by the dominant partner to control the submissive’s responses.

While there is of course nothing wrong with this, there _can_ be a conflict of interest between being the dominant partner in a d/s exchange, and being highly objectified. I believe (again, just my current opinion) that female dominants find themselves grappling with this potential conflict, more so than male dominants. (I also believe this effect is partly responsible above-mentioned “bad image” that fetishists, particularly male-submissive-fetishists, sometimes end up with.)

The worst ever slave, and responsibility

Originally posted 2011-01-07 10:47:59.

Slave Boyfriend On the Spanking Bench

A dominant young woman has taken control of her naturally submissive boyfriend. He is now her obedient slave.

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Frequently she takes him to the spanking bench and straps him down. With her cane she delivers hard, hot, stinging blows that leave welts in his skin. She films the all punishment sessions. Later she watches and can better enjoy the expressions of anguish that passed across his face as she whipped him.

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She makes him watch. Seeing her boyfriend cringe at the sight of himself beg and whimper makes her laugh.

He doesn’t know that she shoes the movies to her girlfriends.

Domme Wife’s Rigorous Discipline

A strong and powerful Domme Wife observes the husband her will and strength has refused to a sissy wimp. His subservient life is filled with the tasks, chores and duties demanded by her.

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She enjoys monitoring him at times. Watching for the tiniest failure or slip then to subject him to rigorous punishment. Pain and suffering is the superior weapon in her arsenal of domination. Regular discipline keeps the man humble and obedient.

Female Superiority & Fatherhood

Charlotte writes about the status of the male parent in a female supremacist home:

For almost 20 years I have intensively and systematically trained my husband to be humble and subservient. With the same solicitude and thoroughness I have taught him to acknowledge and respect that the female is superior to the male. …

Read about fathers submitting to daughters

Consensual F/m Power Exchange Contract

Consensual Female Led Power Exchange Agreement

This document specifies the responsibilities of _______________ (hereafter, the Mistress) and _______________ (hereafter, the submissive) as a part of a consensual bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism (hereafter, Female Led Relationship) agreement between them. This is a private agreement between the Mistress and the submissive (hereafter, the Parties), and under no circumstances are any or all of the contents of this agreement to be given to any other party, except:

_____________________

1. PERIOD OF AGREEMENT. This agreement shall be valid from midnight of __________ until midnight of __________. This agreement shall immediately become null and void if any of the following occur:

1.1. Either of the Parties becomes seriously ill, is hospitalized, or dies;

1.2. Either of the Parties delivers notice to the other of his desire to terminate this agreement.

2. CONSIDERATION OF THE DOMINANT. In consideration for the submissives fulfillment of this agreement, the Mistress agrees to guide and shape the submissive with respect to sexual, sensual, and scenerelated behaviors, and to help the submissive work toward the realization of being a happy and selffulfilled individual. To this end, the Mistress agrees to carry out the following provisions, to the best of his ability:

2.1. GENERAL OBLIGATIONS The Mistress shall attend to the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of the submissive. As such, it is incumbent upon the Mistress to question the submissive in such a fashion as to ensure that the Mistress has sufficient information to fulfill his obligations to the submissive.

2.2. TRAINING SESSIONS The Mistress shall provide at least one formal Female Led Relationship training session per month. These sessions will always conclude with a formal caning.

2.3. PUNISHMENT AND REWARD The Mistress shall punish the submissive for inappropriate and/or undesirable behaviors, actions, habits, thoughts, etc. The Mistress shall reward the submissive for appropriate and/or desirable behaviors, actions, habits, thoughts, etc. The nature of any punishments and rewards shall be strictly left to the judgment of the Mistress, except that they shall not include:

______________________________________________

2.4. TOOLS AND SUPPLIES Except for the submissives formal training cane (see Section 5), the Mistress shall furnish all tools and implements of correction. The Mistress shall also provide any necessary safer sex supplies.

3. CONSIDERATION OF THE SUBMISSIVE. In consideration for the Mistresss fulfillment of this agreement, the submissive agrees to be the Mistresss personal servant and sex slave. To this end, the submissive agrees to fulfill the following requirements, to the best of his ability:

3.1. OBEDIENCE The submissive will devote himself or herself, in mind and in body, to the will of the Mistress. The submissive will obey the Mistress without question, within the limits of the submissives personal safety and ability to earn a living.

3.2. TRUTHFULNESS The submissive agrees to answer any question put to him or her by the Mistress as clearly and as truthfully as is possible.

3.3. FITNESS In order to better serve the Mistress, the submissive will strive to maintain and improve his health and vitality. The submissive agrees to promptly inform the Mistress of any physical discomfort, such as back or knee pain, that might affect the ability of the submissive to serve the Mistress.

3.4. CLEANLINESS The submissive agrees to maintain personal cleanliness in a manner suitable for serving the Mistress. If directed to do so by the Mistress, the submissive specifically agrees to:

______________________________________________

3.5. DRESS The submissive agree to wear clothing of the Mistresss choice, including specified undergarments while in public, except that the Mistress will not require the submissive to wear any of the following:

______________________________________________

3.6. AVAILABILITY The submissive agrees to make his body available whenever, wherever, and however the Mistress wishes, except that the Mistress will not require the submissive to do any of the following:

3.7. SERVICE The submissive agrees to maintain and clean all tools and implements of correction, as directed by the Mistress. The submissive agrees to perform, to the best of his ability, any household task the Mistress requires of him or her, except that the Mistress will not require the submissive to do any of the following:

______________________________________________

3.8. RESPECTFULNESS The submissive agrees to address the Mistress as __________ unless otherwise directed. The submissive agrees to speak to and about the Mistress with respect.

3.9. PUBLIC ATTENDANCE The submissive agrees to accompany the Mistress to one Female Led Relationship social event each month. The submissive agrees to attend the Mistress at these events, and the submissive specifically renounces any right to move freely while doing so.

4. SYMBOLS OF OWNERSHIP. The Mistress shall provide the submissive with a token symbolizing the Mistresss ownership of and responsibility toward the submissive. This token shall be suitable to wear in all circumstances and shall be worn by the submissive at all times. The Mistress shall also furnish the submissive with a collar, which the submissive is to wear while at the Mistresss home and Female Led Relationship community events. Both the token and the collar are the property of the Mistress, and shall be returned to the Mistress upon the expiration or termination of this agreement.

5. FORMAL TRAINING CANE. Before the onset of formal training, the submissive shall provide the Mistress with a piece of rattan, which shall be used by the Mistress to fashion a formal training cane. The rattan shall be at least 3 feet in length, approximately d inch in diameter, and otherwise meet with the approval of the Mistress. The Mistress shall use the formal training cane only on the submissive and only during formal training sessions.

6. TRAINING JOURNAL. The submissive shall make daily entrees in a training journal. Entries shall be at least 350 words in length, and are to be made without the use of any first person singular pronouns (I, me, my, or mine). In addition, all references to the submissive shall be in lowercase, while all references to the Mistress shall be capitalized. The journal is to be addressed to the Mistress, and may be read by the Mistress at any time. The Parties shall not share the contents of the journal with any other person. Upon the dissolution or expiration of this agreement, the submissive shall retain sole possession of the journal.

7. SAFEWORD. The submissives safeword shall be Mercy. If the submissive calls out Mercy, then the Mistress will immediately cease whatever activity is in progress. The submissive will then be given sufficient opportunity to voice concerns or make requests. The Mistress will then, to the best of his ability and in full consideration of the submissive’s well-being, decide whether and how to proceed with the activity.

8. STOP COMMAND. The submissives stop command shall be Terminate Now. If the submissive calls out Terminate Now, then the dominant will immediately cease whatever activity is in progress. The activity is at that point unconditionally over, and may not be resumed during the session.

9. NONVERBAL SAFETY SIGNALS. Anytime the submissive is to be gagged or the submissive’s ability to speak is to be otherwise impaired or eliminated, then the Parties shall establish nonverbal safety signals to be used by the submissive in place of the safeword and stop command.

10. LIMITATIONS. The Parties agree to never knowingly subject the other to anything that will cause permanent physical and/or psychological harm. Notwithstanding any other provision of this agreement, the Parties shall not do anything that would in any way damage or harm the children of any of the Parties, nor do anything which would interfere with the family and/or parental obligations of the other, nor do anything which would interfere with the employment obligations and/or the employability of the other.

Signed this ______ day of __________, _____.

______________________________________
Mistress

______________________________________
submissive

See more Female Dominant, submissive male contracts.

Femdom Supremacist Marriage

A scene form a household run in accordance with the philosophy of female supremacy.

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The Domme Wife is serenely radiant confident of her beauty, superiority and power. Her slave husband – if he is even that – has been feminized to eliminate false notions of male power and ability.

His faces reflects the somber knowledge of his inferiority. That his only purpose in this world is to gratify the whims of women, to serve their every need.

How long before this is the picture of the average household?

Punishment of Single Men

A suggestion for the disciplining of unpartnered males (marriage has become lesson common and really isn’t a fit criterion).

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For failures in deportment and laziness the male is to be punished with a bare bottom spanking.

For misbehavior connected to sex and sexuality the male genitals are spanked to force the connection between that kind of conduct and pain.

You probably have your own preferred divisions and disciplinary methodology.

Sissy Wimp’s Punishment

Brutal punishment and discipline like this has turned a once proud man into a servile sissy wimp.

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His Mistress is genuinely merciless. If he drops anything, forgets a chore, is slow in responding, imperfect in protocol she beats him. There are no days without at least a couple of very harsh whippings.

Intensely sadistic she enjoys putting him in situations where perfect performance is impossible.

The shocked woman observing the whipping is getting her first lesson in female domination. Her stunned amazement will pass. Then she will begin an education that will change her relationships with men forever.

When she returned husband will be incredulous, disheartened but finally subdued.