Submissive Men on the Internet

Submissive Men Online: Authentic or Immature

Real Submissive Man

[Some men] merely want the fantasy of being
dominated, without the annoyances and difficulties that actually make
submission worth while. I’m sure they would happily lick your boots or
sniff your panties or gag themselves for you; the form without the
emotion. You’ve probably met a lot more of these type of people than I
ever will and so probably have a better idea of what they would do.

Sure, some of them may just be immature people with adolescant fantasies
of a 6’6″ muscular woman dressed in shiny PVC wielding a crop and demanding
a craven slave to humiliate himself. Some may just see you as a sex
object (“look Beavis, I sent an email to a Domme! It was good!”).

It would not surprise me if all of these types so far would be
disappointed and not respond when they realise you just want a pack of
chocolate Smarties (the UK type which is also in Canada, not the US candy
type) rather than a something more kinky. I’ve seen a fair few of these
on IRC. Does what they do/want fall under the BDSM umbrella? I won’t
say “no” to that question. It doesn’t float my boat nor that of most the
people I respect, but that’s just really YKINMK.

We have another class; those who truely believe they are ‘do anything’
submissives. They may be so desperate for a D/s relationship that they
go overboard and write messages that are indistinguishable from the above
class. Sometimes they get into relationships and take a collar then a month
or so down the line realise something is missing and the relationship ends.
I’m no expert here, but I get a feeling that they are putting the cart before
the horse; trying to build a relationship on top of D/s where what they really
want is a relationship _with_ D/s.

Finally we get the mature type; those who realise you are a real person with
real needs; who may only know you through your fiction and your writings
but consider you trustworthy and are willing to help you out with a request.
They may be in a relationship already, or be alone, but they are stable
enough and happy enough and mature enough to talk to you without any
expectations. These are the kind of people I like to talk to online and
at munches because they can talk rationally about what they do and I can
discuss and learn from them.

However, the question isn’t about that type, but about the others.
I think it’s inevitable that something like BDSM will atract the
immature. We, here on the newsgroups and on our personal sites, are
pretty open with our sexuality, and to the immature sexuality == sex.
People may read your story of putting Hasek into a straight jacket (it
was him, wasn’t it? Tori considers him the “most flexible”) find
themselves getting an erection and come begging to you “please please
put me in it, I’ll do anything” .

These people don’t fit _into_ my scene at all; they are on the periphery.
But then I’m not the famous Akasha and I’m not a Dom. I don’t have my
own groupies. I’m just Tori’s slave. I don’t get people mailing me at
random wanting to tie me up (choruses of “shame! shame!” :-)). These people
are possibly more intrusive in your life.

(From an old usenet discussion.)

Do You Care If a Man is Your Boss?

Question: male or female boss?

I’ve been woefully negligent in using this site to address themes facing women. Possibly because in the distant galaxy I come from women are people.

Even if you aren’t sexist, heterosexual female dominance can be colored by gender qualities. If only so very faintly.

Does your desire to dominate men – even if just in the bedroom – affect your feelings about the gender of your employer? If their virtues and values are equal do you can whether your boss is a man or a woman?

Originally posted 2008-12-21 10:38:04.

D/s and Love

Bondage, S&M, Power Exchange, Romance : Labels & Confusion

Femdom Love, Play S&M, D/s

D/s is not the same as love, neither is love the same as D/s for me. They can be connected, but don’t need to. It all depends.

To become clearer about the notions (and therefore also the labels): love in itself is a feeling and a state of mind, IMO. In comparison, D/s and s/m rather can be means to *express* this great feeling of loving someone else. Depending on the context, *both* can serve this role pretty well.

Apart from the fact that D/s and s/m are really basic (often sexual) needs for me – like being hungry, for example – in a relationship context they can also serve as means to express one’s love for someone else. In such a context, they often are something going into the direction: “Look, my love, what I’m ready to endure for you!” Taking them in this sense, D/s is mostly covering psychological aspects (breaking out of traditional role models by serving and submitting to a woman, standing social pressure, getting humiliated, being objectified, and so on), while the s/m part is rather covering physical ones (enduring pain and being physically strong for her, but also showing a strong will, which is not only physical, I have to admit). I hope you get what I mean, otherwise I could easily elaborate on it.

So for me, especially in a relationship context, D/s and s/m are only two sides of one and the same medal, namely to please a woman by enduring something for her, breaking out of several limits – one time with regard to the mind, the other time with regard to the body. By the way, I’ve once read on Akasha’s web site that bondage is one of the most basic things for her, while she added pain (physical) and humiliation (psychological) much later. Also for me, bondage always had been something very basic, my earliest fantasies were almost entirely related to it. She even is telling us that she probably could renounce of pain and humiliation completely.

I often asked myself for the reasons, but now it’s becoming more clear to me, perhaps: it’s because bondage is all in one, so to speak! It’s covering both aspects: the physical ones (think of the struggling, the aching joints, the tight rope hurting skin …) *and* the psychological ones (helplessness, fear, developing a desire for her because she’s unreachable …). Maybe this also explains why so many people like to start a scene with bondage games.

What I’d say though is that D/s often isn’t as much “primitive” and frightening as s/m, because it’s easier to bring D/s into direct connection with love, since it’s closer related to behaviour in traditional vanilla relationships. But it’s not exactly the same as love, though. Like I said, it’s only a mean to express love, like s/m can be, too. That’s also the reason why I wouldn’t think of s/m only as play. It can be as real as extreme sorts of D/s can only be role-played.

(From usenet ten years ago.)

Originally posted 2010-11-09 10:33:38.

Self Acceptance

Bad Woman

Some women struggle to accept their desire to dominate. Those feeling are much less likely to afflict dominant men. And perhaps some women need a few moments reflection to understand that a submissive male is not necessarily a spineless wimp that she’d never want in her life.

Even more often are initial feelings of guilt as they begin to discover and explore their sadism. Pleasure in inflicting pain contradicts the popular images of woman as empath, nourisher and healer. Surely wanting to hit your boyfriend or husband with things is just plain evil.

But by various means – bless you – many of you step past the social stereotypes, are able to more fully realize your sexuality and make happy the men who need you.

Originally posted 2009-01-05 13:07:49.

Penectomy Better Than Chastity?

Not by me. Left elsewhere as a comment on Cut Your Cock Off.

femdom penectomy
Typical Rubex Illustration

I have been permitted to make this comment:- As a permanently chastised companion – my lady doesn’t like the word slave – I would – if I may – fully endorse the idea of penectomy for permanently chastised males provided there are not medical reasons preventing it. Chastity devices have their limitations and are uncomfortable.

This discomfort is useful for showing the slave the permanence of his situation and the futility of resistance to his total submission but once he is completely conditioned and submissive penectomy would be a complete and final finish to his enslavement. From then he and his mistress can get on with their life-style.

Castration is not the preferred choice compared to penectomy since penectomy retains “sexual desire” that castration removes but both are as permanent – the unrequited desire is what makes the slave totally submissive in a way that castration does not.

The methods often employed are that the urethra is retained although the remainder of the penis is removed and relocated behind the scrotum for sit-down peeing – or that the the penis is simply cut off at its base with a small tube inserted into the urethra to permit peeing during healing.

This latter method can be problematic – infection control and /or bladder control as the penis helps with bladder function.
Two methods I submit would be worth considering are 1: Where the removal at – or near – the base is preferred a metal tube be inserted into the urethra and a elestorator band be placed on the penis so that it crushes onto the tube as in castration but still permitting peeing whilst the penis dies – it could then be removed later with the band and tube. 2: That the same approach be employed but only the head be removed – making the penis far less sensitive – then a small light weight chastity tube be permanently fitted onto the penis stump thus removing the ability for any sexual activity with minimum interference to bladder control.

Lastly I would respectfully urge all mistress to be strong in their will-power once such a step is embarked upon but be kind and gentle – but firm when necessary – to their slaves once this final step is taken – reminding the slave that all of this is for his own good within their lifestyle.

Thank you.

Originally posted 2011-04-20 07:17:51.