Assertive Submissives

Can there be a person who exhibits *assertive submission*? I believe so.

A submissive, by nature, is highly regarded if they can express themselves in a humble and soft fashion; however, it’s important that they get their needs met too. If their needs are to be met, they must have the ability to be assertive in communication. Many submissive’s find this task to be difficult and instead decide to be passive-agressive, agressive or passive. This is where the wise dominant steps in to guide the submissive in the right direction. If the dominant does not have the tools to assist the submissive, she will: 1. seek out and learn the knowledge with or separately from the submissive; and/or 2. forward the submissive to capable materials, persons or courses.

Being assertive includes ensuring that your rights as a human being are not being violated and abused in an unhealthy way. Now in our world, submissive’s are often violated & abused; however, in this world that I condone – it is known that consensual and healthy BDSM is what we strive for. Therefore, in the end, we do not want the spirit of the submisive to truly feel that they are not respected and have no rights as a valuable person within the relationship.

A person will exhibit a range of behaviours but will most likely settle on one that is natural or intrinsic to them. I believe this is the cause of nature; one’s upbringing that has formed the way a person communicates.

What many dominant’s are unable to see is that a submissive can be assertive, agressive, passive and passive-agressive and still have the desire and intent to be submissive. This is the oxymoron and the difficulty in relating with a submissive who is not assertive.

Please see below for definitions of assertive, agressive, passive and passive-agressive.

Definitions of Behaviour

Assertive: The root cause of assertive behaviour is confidence. An assertive person ensures that your rights are not violated or abused. They also ensure that you do not violate or abuse other’s rights. Helping other’s take their rights in order for them not to be abused or violated is also a part of being an assertive person. They exhibit behaviours of: calm and rational thought and speech; listening first and talking second when confronted with a difficult situation; standing up for themselves and others in a clear and concise way; most likely not offering excuses for their assertive actions; the ability to say no in a diplomatic way; etc.

Agressive: The root causes of agressive behaviour are: insecurity, fear or hurt feelings. It is rare that it’s out of pure frustration and hatred. Agressive people take other’s rights without consent. They won’t concern themselves if other’s are taking their rights. They might help another to take their rights but will in turn take them away as they relate with the person they were trying to help. They will pounce on the passive. They exhibit the behaviours of: yelling; intimidating speech and stance; swearing; physical & emotional violence; withdrawal of anything the other person wants; they are only able to see their view; etc..

Passive: The root cause of passive behaviour is fear. They have difficulty surviving on their own. In other words – they do not have the strength to protect their rights and hope that other’s will do so for them. They exhibit the most sensitive behaviours such as crying on a moment’s notice; feeling down on themselves; feeling unworthy; recognizeable low self esteem(all other behaviours except for “assertive” have low self esteem but it’s not readily recognizeable); etc..

Passive-agressive: The root cause of passive-agressive behaviour is fear with an uprising of aggression because no one else is protecting them and they can’t protect themselves since they do not have the behaviour of assertiveness. This is the most difficult style to relate to as the behaviours fluctuate. Bobbing from one style to another style in a moment’s notice. It’s difficult to find truth in such a person as their passive side will hide the it and their agressive side will lie to protect it. In fact this is most difficult and stressful to the passive-agressive person as they are most often not aware that they are behaving in this way. It’s their way to getting their agressive feelings out in an indirect way. Their only way of expressing themselves. There is another way though – through assertiveness. They exhibit behaviours of: lying to themselves which in turn becomes a lie to another; acting out but pretending they didn’t; not offering information; crying, then screaming; then yelling; then crying; and then saying “it’s all your fault”; withdrawal; etc.

(c) 2001 Lady Sun

Originally posted 2010-11-15 08:55:38.

Male Initiative

Something that often struck me when I was reading the FLR themed blogs was how often the woman said that she’d never entertained the concept of ruling her husband until he introduced it.

Understandable. Liberal humanists tend to think of pure gender equality. Socially traditional people want the male to be an aggressor. And fundagelicals like Mike Huckabee think the Mrs. should submit herself to the Mr.

Another proof that lust keeps the world spinning on its axis. Much better to accept that than to pretend we are genital-less Ken and Barbie dolls.

Originally posted 2008-02-07 15:52:35.

Female Led Cuckoldry

Cuckoldry Is a F/m Retish

If you are a conventional wife (girlfriend) and your husband (boyfriend) as begged you to cheat on him and have sex with another many and you are confused and horrified you might find the following useful for context.

Cuckolding among female-dominant couples differs from the original definition of cuckolding in that many of these men are voluntarily “cuckolded” by their wives, sometimes as part of the husband’s sexual fantasy and sometimes because they gain genuine sexual arousal through being humiliated by his wife being better sexually fulfilled with a potentially superior male. In some cases the husband may instigate and nurture his wife’s sexual infidelity.

The husband usually finds pleasure through that of his wife (or what he perceives to be her pleasure), and they (the wife and extra-marital participant) may both enjoy attempting to actively include him in the act of cuckolding as much as possible through serving her. Some common themes include praising her appearance, attempting to stimulate her sexually at the same time as the additional participant, and generally being engrossed in her enjoyment, usually while masturbating or involving himself in some sexual act with his wife during their activity.

Some less-common themes might include grooming his wife for her “date”, homemaking, or oral sex following the conclusion of sex with the other man. When this oral sex follows ejaculation, it is termed a creampie or cleaning up.

You can find additional information at Wikipedia: Cuckold.

Originally posted 2014-01-12 23:31:40.

Real Dommes Don’t Switch

Switching is Inauthentic

A switch is a person who enjoys being both dominant and submissive and/or sadist and masochist.

Many silly, foolish, idiotic people – mostly submissive males – say that a real dominant woman can’t switch. That if a woman can enjoy submitting as well as controlling she’s a fake, phony domme.

From a very, very long discussion of “real femdom:”

I’ve gotten so sick of being looked down upon as ‘not a *real* femdom’ because I also happen to have a masochistic streak. Part of the pleasure I take from switching, too, comes from the sense of *balance* it gives us. All the responsibility for making our sex life exciting doesn’t just rest on one of us. I don’t get feelings of guilt for being the dominant/sadistic one, because I know I can take exactly what I dish out. I just take it less often. And, oh yeah, it’s fun.

I Guess I’m Not a Real Femdom

Originally posted 2009-03-06 01:00:41.

Gender Parity & Female Domination

I’ve seen it said that as one of the main goals of female liberation is met there be more female led relationships.

I.e., that as women and men are able to live as socioeconomic equals more women will come to be or – or accept that they are – dominant in their marriages, romancing and dating.

I could also imagine it argued that as the sexes become social, political and economic equals some of the forces that make some men submissive and others dominant will diminish.

Reader, what do you think?

Originally posted 2008-04-23 19:00:56.