If you are the head of a female led relationship how much does your dominance pervade the life you share with your husband or boyfriend.
Do you feel he requires – as opposed to desires – considerable control, like a child, a brat?
Originally posted 2009-01-13 14:59:07.
A Submissive Man Like a Pet
Years ago a dominant woman wrote:
With D/s being such a new concept for me and with only my imagination to help me develop what that lifestyle could mean for me, lots and lots of thoughts have crossed my mind. As posted in my delurk, I’ve made a lot of major changes in my life over the past six months or so. I’ve begun dating but it’s not as much fun as I remember it being 15 years or so ago. That’s probably because of my higher standards in what I’m looking for in a partner; a submissive partner. So here’s a thought that occurred to me one afternoon while running my dogs at the nearby regional park. At this, the loneliest time of my life, my dogs are my truest companions. I was thinking that if I could find a submissive man with the traits that my dogs possess, and a few of the more obvious ones, of course , I’d be one happy camper! Think about it, they’re cute and cuddly, for starters. The 120 pound 15 month old Shep/Rott often sleeps with me and even though it’s a tight fit in a single bed, it’s comforting having a warm body there. If he’s not in my bed, he’s lying on the floor next to me or in the doorway. My other dog is a 12-year-old lab mix who is the most obedient and loyal dog you will ever know. For the sake of good storytelling, I will combine their traits into one character.
He greets me in the morning by nuzzling my face and showing genuine enthusiasm for whatever attention I can muster at 4:30 AM. He watches intently as I get ready for work. He even asks for a little toothpaste to freshen his breath! His eyes express his complete sorrow at the realization that I’ll be gone for the day — again. I feed him, rub his ears, scratch his belly and give him fresh water before I leave for a grueling day at work. He sends me off with a lick on my hand and walks me to my car.
He’s always excited to see me at the end of the day. He greets me at the back gate with a hug and kiss (well, he jumps up on me and licks my face – close enough!). He nuzzles my hand as I walk through the back yard. He gets something for me to toss so we can play for a bit. We truly relish one another’s company. His devotion wipes away any stress I’ve endured through my workday. He never holds a grudge from a previous disagreement.
He lies at my feet while I check my e-mail and catch up on reading SSB. I reach down and rub his ears and pat his head. I find him so irresistible at times, that I lay on the floor next to him and just cuddle and rub his belly. He likes to be patted with a good amount of force on his lower back just at his tail. OK, he likes a good spanking, what’s wrong with that?!? He likes his nose rubbed and his ears massaged. He likes a fair amount of rough play and I’m eager to give him that.
He’ll do tricks for me when I offer a reward. He does tricks even when I don’t offer a reward. And he always eats my cooking without a single complaint!
I reward his loyalty and unconditional love with trips to a nearby wilderness area for an afternoon of running without his leash and collar. I toss the ball and he brings it back. I toss the ball again and again and again. He brings it back every time and nuzzles my hand as a sincere thank you for this time we have together.
He plays in the snow as I shovel. Sometimes he goes with me in the car when I run errands. Other times, I leave him tied up in the yard or locked in his kennel.
On occasion, this boy won’t do as he’s told so I must discipline him and although it’s difficult for me to hurt him either physically or verbally, I also understand that this is the only way for him to learn how to be a better dog. He chose to ignore my verbal commands yesterday at the park and was even bodacious enough to growl as I administered his discipline. His defiance though turned to sweet submission once he recognized I wouldn’t be frightened by his attempt at intimidation and he dutifully climbed into the back of the van.
At a recent visit to the vet, he misbehaved quite arrogantly and the vet sold me on a special collar to help keep him under control. The collar is designed in a figure-8 to apply pressure on the bridge of his nose and on his neck, right behind his ears. This pressure is similar to that applied by a pack leader to other members of the pack to demonstrate dominance. When I put this collar on him, I have a completely submissive animal under my complete, yet loving, control. It’s such a simple, yet effective tool.
He is by my side almost constantly when I am at home and he misses me terribly when I am away. He never fails to respond when I call his name either by coming to me or just wagging his tail. He’s sleeping next to me right now and as I call his name, his tail pounds on the floor with glee at that small bit of attention.
When I’m sad, he offers his big furry shoulder to cry on. He holds his paw out for me to hold. He licks my tear soaked face. He offers more comfort without ever uttering a single word than any human I’ve ever known. He barks at would-be trespassers and scares them off. I believe this boy would die for me.
In return for his unconditional love and devotion, I provide him with a safe environment to live and play in, all the food he can eat, special biscuit treats, fresh water, toys to play with, and I tend to his emotional and medical needs. I clean up the yard every week so he has a fresh place to make a mess . And I return his unconditional love and devotion without a moment’s hesitation.
Save for the obvious shortcomings, my dog is my perfect companion and possesses _most_ of the qualities I seek in a submissive partner. I hate when women say that men are dogs and mean it in a nasty context! I love men AND I love dogs! I plan to spend the rest of my life with them!
(From an ancient Usenet posting.)
Mistress: The most common honorific for the head of a female led relationship. A submissive man’s Mistress is the arbiter, decider, ruler of his life Controls his behavior including his sexuality. The guides him with tenderness and discipline. He repays her with obedience adoration and love. He worships her as teh focus of his life.
More drawings of dominant women by Leone Frollo.
Amity Harris has been a well-known treasure within the D/s community for years. Her explanation of female dominance remains a classic. An excerpt:
A FemDom relationship is intensely intimate. Inside this relationship, both the woman and submissive find caring, intense emotional exchange and validation of each other. I’ve said many times that a submissive man on his knees is one of the most beautiful and powerful mental images for me to behold. Even though a woman may demand that which satisfies her, a simple caress of her partner’s hair or cheek speaks volumes about the intense intimacy of this type of relationship.
When your partner is on his knees, even if only in his daydreams, he is begging silently for a woman’s strong hand to guide and lead him and the thought of that woman’s touch is arousing to him. However, he doesn’t want just any woman’s touch; he wants yours. Expressing the secrets in his soul is something painfully difficult to do without the assurance that the woman on the other side of the relationship will accept it and value it as a treasured gift.
Women learning about female domination must remember that your partner will be sharing his innermost secrets and longings with you. It’s up to you to value and cherish the trust he is placing in your hands.
What Does Female Domination Mean?
Originally posted 2010-12-28 20:23:03.
10 Simple Rules for a Wise Dominant
By Lady Jade
1. The submissive’s SAFETY will always be of top priority to a wise Dominant, both physically and emotionally.
2. ALWAYS respect and honor a submissive’s safe word and never put him or her in a position to be afraid to use it.
3. Just as submission is a gift to be treasured, Domination is a talent to be mastered so BE educated and experienced at dominating BEFORE you take on the responsibility of another’s life.
4. Don’t be too arrogant to be able to listen and understand your submissive’s viewpoints and needs. You might just learn something from them. After all communication is the foundation of a strong D/s relationship and can not be obtained if it is all one sided.
5. Never punish a submissive by withholding your affection, this is emotional blackmail.
6. Provide guidance and support when needed and stay tuned into your submissive’s moods. In return you will gain a submissive that is eager to please and serve you because they feel of value.
7. Provide your submissive with negotiated guidelines to stay with in and when the submissive steps out of those guidelines CONSISTENTLY apply punishment.
8. Understand that just as a submissive’s trust must be earned so must a Dominant earn a submissive’s trust. This does not undermine your control but strengthens it.
9. Enjoy and use what is offered to you with kindness, harshness, pain and pleasure and have the wisdom to know when to use each one.
10. Never be too full of pride or blinded by your own “power trip” to admit when you have made a mistake and to even say “I’m sorry”. Just as no submissive is perfect for their Dominant 24 hours a day; no Dominant is perfect either.
Dominant Woman’s Pledge
Above all else a Mistress Cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the Gift the submissive Gives Them is the Greatest Gift of all.
A Mistress is Demanding and takes full advantage of the power Given to Them, but Knows how to Share the Pleasure that comes from that Precious Gift.
A Mistress is in Control of Themself First and Foremost, so that They may Control others.
As a Stern and Demanding Mistress, They can cause Their submissive to Cry real tears.
As the Consummate Lover, They will then Kiss the tears away, Without stepping out of character.
In times of Trouble, a Mistress will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive Friend and Partner, Never forgetting that this is still a Loving Relationship between Two caring Individuals.
A Mistress is quick to Understand the Differences between Fantasy and Reality.
A Mistress would Never ask a submissive to put Them before their Career, or Family, just to satisfy Their own pleasure.
To win a submissive’s Mind, Body, Spirit, Soul, and Love, a Mistress knows They must first win their Trust.
A Mistress will show Their submissive Humor, Kindness, and Warmth.
A Mistress must always show them that Their Guidance and Tutoring is Knowledgeable and Deserving of their attention, that This is a Person they can Learn from, and that they can Trust Their Direction.
A Mistress is Romantic enough to be Protective and Chivalrous. When called upon, They will Fight for Their submissive’s Honor.
A Mistress proves to their submissive that They are Someone they can Lean on, and Depend on.
When it comes time to Teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a Strong and Unyielding professor.
A Mistress will accept no flaw. Nothing less than Perfection from Their student.
Never does a Mistress use Discipline without a Good Reason. When They do punish Their submissive, it is always with a Knowledgeable and Careful hand.
A Mistress is Always Open to Communication and Discussion; Always Ready to Hear Their submissive’s wants and needs.
A Mistress is Patient; taking time to Learn Their submissive’s Limits, and knowing that as their Trust of Them Grows, so will they.
A Mistress Never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive responds to Them out of the Want of Pleasing Them. Compliance comes from the Wanting to please, Not the Fear of Punishment.
A Mistress Understands the Fragile nature of Mind and Body and Never violates the Trust Given to Them.
A Mistress is Secure enough to Laugh at Themself and the Absurdities of Life. Open Minded enough to Learn new things. Strong enough to Grow.
A Mistress’s tools are Mind, Body, Spirit, Soul, and Love.
A Mistress Understands that Each partner Gains Most from Pleasuring the Other.
And Both of Them know that Love and Trust are the Only Bindings that Truly Hold.
Many submissive guys seem to think women role off the femdom assembly line complete with corset, thigh-high boots and riding crop. The effect of porn working on their perpetual psychic meltdown.
What makes you distinctive? Do you see yourself as special, different, good in some aspect of your life? Elegance, skill at bondage, measured sadism or more humane qualities (which I’m not going to list because I know that would insure they be chosen). Something quirky, highly individual?
It is only human to think we are good at some things.
Originally posted 2008-12-29 12:34:16.
You’ve discovered that dominating men is something you enjoy. Perhaps feel you need to do. How, you wonder, should you go about being a dominant woman.
That depends on you. As an individual you will evolve your own habits and style.
- Dress up in fetish wear
- Jeans and a t-shirt
- A pretty dress
- Play parties
- Your home
- His home
- Serial hookups
- Men you like
- Men you love
Fitting F/m Into Your Life
- 27/7, Lifestyle
- Only during explicit BDSM sessions
- Informal, fades in and out
And there are many other possibilities. Don’t let someone sell you on being who you aren’t.
Some women are dominant without being sadistic. Others are pure female sadists who enjoy inflicting pain but don’t care for Mistress/slave roles.
At the beginning your guide is what you think and fantasize about. Over time your habits and practices will be shaped by what you have discovered actually gives you the most satisfaction.
Rather than worrying about being perfect at the very beginning, just relax and enjoy the ride.
Terms like Domme and Mistress are only merely tolerated by some dominant women.
Labels for self-identification seem to be chosen in large part because of the feelings they evoke for an individual. Like “Mistress” – some people love the label, some hate it. The same with “slave”. Me, if I have to put a label on me I’ll call myself a dom, but not a domme. Not that I think domme is a bad label, it just doesn’t work for me personally.
Yeah, I have felt forced to use it myself now and then, but I still don’t like it. “Domme” is especially awkward since people can’t agree on how to pronounce it in speech. I have heard people defending _Dom_, _Dome_, _Dom-may_, and _Dome-may_. May I respectfully suggest we just drop its use completely? It’s not a useful word if it only adds to the confusion, IMHO.
Why not just go back to *Dame*? Dame is a cool word, that already has a solidly accepted definition:
dame (d³m) n. 1. Used as a courtesy title for a woman in authority or a mistress of a household. 2.a. A married woman; a matron. b. An elderly woman. 3. Slang. A woman. 4. Chiefly British. a. A woman holding a nonhereditary title conferred by a sovereign in recognition of personal merit or service to the country. b. The wife or widow of a knight. c. Used as the title for such a woman. [Middle English, from Old French, from Latin domina, feminine of dominus, lord, master.]
Any woman who rules her own household is a Dame; that’s the number one definition! An especially outstanding Dame, or one who is a leader among Dames would be called a Grand Dame. An exemplary Dame might be called a Great Dame. Used in a sentence: “She’s more than a Grand Dame, she’s a Great Dame!”
Other poisoned terms which IMHO should be retired: “Dominatrix” (dominatrice). Too closely associated with the pro scene to be useful in identifying a non-pro dominant woman. “Domina” also is used so much by pros that I think all non-pros should just let them have it and call it a day.
It is disturbing that to identify a woman who is not available for rent we have to call her a non-anything, like she is lacking in some way. A dominant woman, a sadistic woman, and a woman who is a BDSM top are firmly, positively, something definite which is not cute and girlish. A woman who is a bondage master, that is, a master of the art, can certainly be called a master. The term mistress is tainted, but I tolerate it because of its antiquity. The word mistress is not going away, and I’m OK about that.
If people want a respectful term for someone who is really wise and respected, then how about something like Mahatma? That is a word which can be used for either men or women, either tops or bottoms, who are knowledgeable and venerated. That’s the kind of word we really need right now, IMHO, as much as we need the kind of people we’d attach it to. What we don’t need is more frilly pink labels to pin onto glorious, terrifying, Amazonian dominant DAMES.
Originally posted 2010-11-29 11:23:12.