The Marquise has a fun site – I wish she kept a weblog.
One of her pages grapples with the eternal question how does a man meet a dominant woman.
Be observant, respectful and empathetic is the short answer. But this is an age where people devour self-help books hoping they’ll prove repair manuals for their lives.
That dominant women aren’t automata of torment can probably never be stressed too often to the neophyte. They have headaches, illnesses, all those ills that flesh is infamously heir to.
Chances are they are interested in many things. Maybe music, art, literature history, sports – name a human endeavor; I’m sure there’s a Domina out there for whom it is a passion. Maybe mountain climbing. When emailing or chatting with her give her an inkling of your own enthusiasms. If it doesn’t exceed watching television suspend this activity while you get a life.
Doms have interests beyond bdsm. Find out what they are and approach in kind. Be honest, they will find out if you are dissembling and you are ultimately only cheating yourself. Give her some idea of what benefits she may receive from associating with you. Also it is more important that the two of you will be compatible in other ways besides the sexual if you are looking for a long term relationship …
(Bonus tip: don’t be afraid to let her know you have a sense of humor. Who wants a dour slave?)
She is – well – a she: not an it. Neither are you (OK, except some times but you aren’t there yet).
Go take a cold shower and ask yourself what you want of your time with her that isn’t spent in BDSM scenes? There’s no generic answer: it is contingent on the two people involved. But you need to have a clear understanding that it isn’t all about play or even a D/s lifestyle. There are exceptions. Maybe all you need are scenes at play parties. If you can comport yourself in those venues you don’t need to be reading this. Or you can pay a ProDomme for the realization of your fantasies.
A major fault of supplicants who have approached me, is that they were living so completely in their fantasy worlds that they are not aware of a dominant as a person who exists separately from that entity in their mind, the fictional domina.
There are slaves, submissive men and bottoms. And those of us who are a mix of those imperfect labels.
Take time to reflect on what you really need and want and can offer. And as I can testify as you begin to explore BDSM in reality your self-understanding and your sexuality it self may evolve or at least change.
Another difficulty has been those who have subsequently found out that their sexual orientation was different to what they believed. … More commonly, men who define themselves as submissives (or slaves) are actually bottoms. They want kinky sex, but do not want the power exchange element of the lifestyle relationship.
The quotes are taken from Marquise’s Meeting A Dominant Woman
Her entire site is recommended.
There are even photo archives. Though the popups didn’t work in my copy of Firefox. Pity since some of them looked like they were of a rare and special quality rarely seen in F/m imagery: witty.
Originally posted 2010-12-30 15:35:27.