Femdom vs. Female Led Relationships

What values do the words female led relationships to living and discussing passion and living arrangements with the woman on top.

How distinct is the term female led relationships from the word Femdom?

In both the most common form of address for the woman is Mistress.

The males most often speak from a perspective of subservience (not that I’m suggesting there is a problem with that).

In female led relationships female superiority is often assumed or evoked. In Femdom I’d wager to say that anymore that is more likely to be used by a ProDomme who knows what her customers like.

Female led relationships seem to often by used by married men. Within female domination in the larger context folks may ‘just’ live together, be friends or strangers who play together at fetish parties.

I see no sign that female led relationships are healthier or constructed and developed in ways superior to those who prefer Femdom.

The most visible proponents of the allied phrase loving female authority – an inherently more appealing and attractive phrase – as I recall are unhappy cuckolds.

Will the phrase female led relationships last? Is it of distinct and unique value?

Originally posted 2008-02-11 23:58:37.

How do you feel about it, what do you think?

Comments

  1. says

    I prefer “femdom” to “female led relationships.” The latter sounds to me like code-speak for “I promise I won’t make you tie me up or do any of that nasty S&M, honey, I just want you to give me more chores and make all the decisions.” And I guess if that’s really what you’re into, I have no problem with it, but I think it’s often a lie that these men are telling their partners and possibly also themselves.

    “Femdom” on the other hand has “dom” in it and clearly implies all that delicious nasty domination that we all love so much. Go femdom!

    “Loving female authority” sounds like being somebody’s mom. Which is great…if you’re somebody’s mom.

  2. says

    “In both the most common form of address for the woman is Mistress.”

    I must disagree.

    First of all, not every female dominant wants to be called “Mistress.” Secondly, I argue that the most common form of address in an FLR is “Dear.”

    It is all about the difference between leadership and domination. I am sure that most of us have experienced both kinds of bosses at work.

    I don’t do well with domination. When Alexander conquered Sparta, he demanded that the Spartans erect a temple in his honor and worship him as a god. The Spartan elders put up the temple. When the population asked why, they responded, “If Alexander wants to be a god, we will let him be one.” That’s my attitude on dominant people. I can put up with them and I can deal with them when I have to. I don’t really follow them as leaders. I am not inspired to support their dreams pro actively and tend to do only that which is specifically demanded: exactly a pound of flesh and no more.

    On the other hand I fall in line eagerly behind leaders. As an Air Force pilot, I learned that the person with the best lead takes the shot and the others fall in on the wing and support and protect.

    In my life there are many instances where Mrs. Mule has the best lead. I simply fall in on her wing and support and protect her. Furthermore, I can see where she is going, and it becomes my mission to make it possible for her to get there. At this point in our lives, it’s almost subconscious.

    Femdom has an element of sexuality to it. Its purpose is to provide sexual gratification even if the acts themselves are not overtly or directly sexual. For example, licking a woman’s boots is in no way part of the reproductive act. However, for some people it is exceptionally arousing.

    FLR is about life in general. The only place where FLR and sex intersect is in the bedroom and there it is a matter of who is leading the activity, not who is on top of the other.

    This is not to say that the two are incompatible. They are merely different.

    For me FLR is a life style. I enjoy Mrs. Mule’s leadership. She does not have a dominating style of leadership. On the other hand female domination is a game that is fun to play when the mood strikes us.

  3. says

    I have to agree with Mule, here. I learned very early that my wife does not like the terms “Mistress” or “Ma’am”. She does like it when I call her “dear” or “darling” or “my love”, etc.
    I’ve also recently come to understand that an FLR doesn’t need the Female to “Dominate”. I see my Wife Led Marriage as more about my giving deference to my wife in everyday life, while also being in a position of service submission. In the bedroom it’s all about her pleasure first.
    The difference to me between Femdom and what I have is that in Femdom the Domme calls the shots and does things to the male or orders him to do things to her. In my arrangement, in the bedroom my wife indulges me in my kinks because not only do I enjoy them, but they center on her pleasure, and once she understood that there has been no looking back for her. She may be in control of me, but she doesn’t have to Dominate me (not that Domination wouldn’t turn me on).

    • richardwalker says

      Hi ,
      My wife disciplines me I look after home while she works for a large company and I have to keep home to her standard.
      I clean do all washing and shopping her sister now lives with us since her husband died . Take sister to do shopping on a thursday ,. I sleep in spare room till wife tells me to sleep in her room for night.

      Regards,
      Richard

  4. says

    <I prefer “femdom” to “female led relationships.” The latter sounds to me like code-speak for “I promise I won’t make you tie me up or do any of that nasty S&M, honey, I just want you to give me more chores and make all the decisions.” And I guess if that’s really what you’re into, I have no problem with it, but I think it’s often a lie that these men are telling their partners and possibly also themselves.

    That’s challenging for me.

    In the last few years I have told my wife about my submissive side and she has decided to take up a dominant role in some ways. But as she isn’t really into BDSM, much of the relationship centers on my chastity, my obedience and my doing things to please her, in bed and out of it.

    The sex has been incredible, and she is ruthlessly dominant in some ways as I have said, which is a turn-on for me. But there’s still a sense that I could get frustrated if it doesn’t evolve into more direct physical dominance at some point.

    So, to me, Femdom is the BDSM acts I’m kind of tempted by, and FLR is what we actually have. Both are great – I’d just like us to develop a little bit more of the first one.

    But everything I read about how to develop an FLR says to take it slow, and we’ve only recently emerged, so I’m hoping things will develop in time. She knows this, but I haven’t said too much, as I do not wish to pressure her.

    Hope I’m not kidding myself.

  5. boo says

    I think that FLR is definitely distinct from femdom and will probably last as a term. If you are interested in a long-term, full-time dominant/submissive relationship with a woman then you are probably going to be more successful at finding and maintaining a FLR than a femdom relationship.

    I agree with Dev:
    “I prefer “femdom” to “female led relationships.” The latter sounds to me like code-speak for “I promise I won’t make you tie me up or do any of that nasty S&M, honey, I just want you to give me more chores and make all the decisions.” And I guess if that’s really what you’re into, I have no problem with it, but I think it’s often a lie that these men are telling their partners and possibly also themselves.”

    FLR are probably for the most part compromises where the male takes a simple domestic servant role when deep down inside what he really wants is kink. I know that is the case for me, and my wife knows it. She throws me a bone every now and then to keep me in the game.

    I definitely don’t believe in female supremacy. My wife is just the more assertive one in the relationship. She likes to be in control and I enjoy serving and obeying my woman. She also would never tolerate being addressed as “Mistress.” She did get off on being called “Ma’am” for a while until our child was old enough to start grasping language.

  6. William Gaius says

    To me,

    femdom – is a male fantasy which requires a lot of unrequited effort on the woman’s part

    FLR – is for the woman’s pleasure and convenience

    I don’t see a whole lot of overlap here.

    W Gaius

  7. cuckold0303 says

    Without repeating too much of what is said below; in our opinion FLR is a life-style (24/7 if you want) and does not have to involve BDSM at all while FemDom is more like a hobby which you are involved in when you feel like it and has a heavy BDSM part in is. So in our opinion FLR is very different to FemDom.

  8. carol says

    i don’t think my relationship with sub-hubby would work without femdom aspect. so far i have not used physical punishment but i use a cb6000 on him 24/7 and keep the sexual excitement through him serving me sexually and refusing him ANY relief. i tease and wear hot clothes i know drives him crazy. he does ANYTHING i say and he loves groveling at my feet.

  9. AJ says

    I know our relationship is very unique. But “IT WORKS” !I have a gorgeous wife who is a firm believer in love & discipline. Let me explaine Most people who do not know of our very unique relationship i’m sure see her as a so calle “Trophy Wife” Beautiful and 16 years my junior. But we just happened to be supre compatible in our beliefs and needs. I’m a very successful business owner and aside from my relationship with my wife am very dominant and controlling> But from my early years i have always seen that everyone needs discipline in their lives. It';s just finding the right partner to administer that discipline when it’s needed. Ther would be a vast awray of people in chick to find out that when I step out of line or become too big for my briefs and my ego starts getting to big. I find mself face wodn over her knee getting my bare bottom soundly spanked with her haribrush. Embarrassing? Hell Yeah! Could I refuse to let her spank me? Sure! But were the perfect fit. She’s a firm believer that love meand not only sex and housekeeping. But putting her man over her knee when he needs it and because she loves me enough to take the time and effort so show hwr love for me in yet another way. I know from reading blogs and talking to other men on line how damn lucky i am to have a wife who will actually punish me physically. NO! It’s not whips & chains (and for those into that /,that’s cool) but good old rashioned discipline over the knee of a lovign wife who keeps my perspective on the right track. As I said I know i’m a very lucky guy to have a spanking wife. But just don;t ask me to sing the praises of spanking when I’m looking at the floor with he haribrush applying fire to my poor thriobbing bare bottom. Thansk Aj

  10. says

    I personally prefer Femdom to FLR, though I don’t really care. The reason why I still prefer Femdom is simply because I see FLR as the PC term for the same thing, simply more socially acceptable/digestible.
    It comes in all kinds of flavours and ways and none is the right, or the wrong way. Whatever you prefer.

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