Comments on: Life isn’t a Fetish Party

By: nathanyl

nathanyl — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 23:58:58 +0000

I think alot of men want things both ways. They want a FLR on their own terms. This of course contradicts what FLR is! I’ve read so many posts on different sites (BDSM, CFNM, Ballbusting etc) basically fetishes that are supposed to be about the woman and yet these men make it all about them. No wonder there are so few women posting on these sorts of sites, I think most women just see it as yet another male sex thing.

By: Tavane

Tavane — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 03:52:32 +0000

If the submissive simply puts aside his specific desires, and embraces his general desire to be in a FLR, I don’t think there would be much of a problem. If you are in a good relationship, and indicate to your girl friend or wife that you have submsisive desires and would like to obey her, then perhaps you can try it out. If she loves you, it won’t hurt her to try, and the first time a conflict arises and you don’t argue with her and accept her decision, she might like that. It’s not about insisting that you do her nails. It’s about having the same relationship you’ve always had, except that you will obey her from now on. She may never tell you to do something, or she might wonder if you are serious, and try it out. Just obey her if she does and forget about it. Perhaps she’ll try it a few more times, out of curiosity, and see how you enjoy obeying her, and will feel empowered by it and how happy it makes you. It doesn’t cost her anything. As time goes by, she might learn to enjoy it, and begin assinging you work so she doesn’t have to do it. If she does, then do the work willingly, and if she asks if you enjoy it, tell her the truth. Since you are in a FLR, she will have total control over whether she ever tells you to obey her or not. That’s the whole point of a FLR. It’s always going to be what she wants, since what she wants is what you want, and what you will do.

I think many more women would accept being in a FLR if it truly was a FLR, where she was the one to decide if and when you would obey her, and you never pressed her, and were satisfied because you were in a FLR, regardless of whether she exercised her power or not.

By: Sophiste

Sophiste — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 17:37:24 +0000

Richard, I think you’ve made some good points. I thoroughly agree that submissives and dominants are people, and should remember to act like it. The skills I value in submissives are, for the most part, the skills I value in general, as habits in human beings that I find more agreeable. Although I do think formal service and pain processing are neat and fun, there are other ‘life skills’ that are more important, and other skills and talents that are bigger relationship perks than bootblacking. For life skills, I think of things like being able to balance a budget, to have a witty conversation, to write a decent letter, and to keep your scheduled commitments. For perks, I think of being able and willing to fix my computer or to do my taxes. As I think about it, perhaps formal service is just a variation within a skill I value in general: good manners.

By: roo-roo

roo-roo — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:53:50 +0000

Very well said, Richard. Pretty much everybody feels the pressure of these idealistic stereotypes; those who have working relationships have managed to cast off those stereotypes. While that special someone may be dominant or submissive, that person is first and foremost a *person*. Their role within bdsm is only one facet of many which make up who that person is. Ignoring all the other aspects of that person is rude.

By: axe

axe — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 05:46:17 +0000

You’re right of course.

Though one can’t help but at least try to become part machine since the only (semi) accessible dominant women are those in the subculture.