When Did You First Want a Female Led Relationship?
Mule in response to my request:
One topic I would like to see is a discussion of when FLR first entered one’s life.
It has been a part of mine for as long as I can remember. There was actually a time in my life when I thought that girls were superior to us boys.
I have tons of theories as to why FLR can happen early in life and why female supremacy at certain stages in life might actually be fact.
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May 19th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Men of my age (neolithic) started life in a FLR. Mom is certainly the most important person in a young child’s life — even today. But back in the 1950’s mom stayed at home. You saw her almost exclusively in your waking hours. This strange person called dad would show up shortly before bedtime.
Then there is school. Even today, there are more female grade school teachers than male. Wind the clock back and almost ALL grade school teachers were female.
If you are over the age of 50, could you ever remember having a male babysitter?
There were female doctors back in the stone age, and almost all of them were pediatricians.
So just about every authority figure in a young child’s life was female.
Then there is school (yes again). There are certain things that are not tolerated in school: not sitting still, competitiveness, being loud and BOY-sterous. In other words all those things associated with being a boy.
The things that are rewarded are: penmanship (fine motor control), spelling and reading (language skills), rote memorization (arithmetic), cooperation (being clannish). All these are skills that come easier to girls.
So boys were conditioned to accept female authority.
Up next: Out on the street.
May 20th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
I grew up in Brooklyn in the 1950’s. My universe consisted of a contiguous piece of concrete and asphalt connecting blocks upon block of brownstone tenements. Each block was bounded on one side by the “big” street that had two-way traffic. The “side” street was one-way, longer and less traveled (dozens of cars a day – mostly at rush hour).
So it was the side street that saw most of the play.
As kids we lived on the street every available moment. I did the math. Given the density of the apartments, each street had about 600 kids on an area equal to a couple of football fields. The street was a society all to itself, and it was female dominated.
You learned to get along with others or you just didn’t play. Nothing was worse than being an outcast in the middle of a crowd. The street itself was dominated by a sun-up to sun-down stickball game played by boys, middle-school age or older. The girls and younger boys were relegated to the sidewalks and tended to gravitate into clans of about a dozen kids.
Each clan was led by a middle school age girl. There were no older boys in the group as they were either playing stickball or were old enough to leave the block. Age confers leadership, but beyond that the girls were surrogate mothers. Moms wouldn’t talk over the back fence as in the suburbs. Instead they stuck their heads out the window to talk to their neighbor. While they were at it they surveyed the street like mother eagles from their aeries.
It was to their benefit to have their daughters or other people’s daughters watch the younger kids. So you minded the lead girl in the group. She was backed up by her mother, and in accordance with the “mother’s union” other mothers, including your own.
The older girls decided which games the group would play. There were some active games like tag, some neutral games like “Simon Says” or “Red Light – Green Light” but most games were girl-games like house or school. The eldest boy got to be daddy, but the rest of the leading roles went to girls.
In fact, the lead girl would often delegate her authority to her girl-leaders-in-training. This included taking the younger kids to the potty. Girls had no choice; they had to go inside. Boys could use the alleyway.
These play groups were not just female-led relationships; they were female-led societies.
May 22nd, 2008 at 9:44 pm
The reasons girls are superior to boys (at least between the ages of 6 and 12 – more or less - sort of).
Some of the reasons have already been given: the things society expects of children are based on the feminine traits rather than the masculine traits (see my list concerning grade school).
Girls can go either way: they can be in ballet class, and they can play softball and nobody cares. They can wear dresses or they can wear shorts or jeans and nobody cares. They can have long or short hair with or without ribbons and nobody cares. Put a boy in ballet class or put him in a dress or put pretty pink ribbons in his hair and he is ridiculed. It’s a dual standard: girls can be anything they want. Boys have to be boys.
It’s a fact, girls mature earlier than boys. Even staunch religions recognize this fact: a girl bat-mitzvahs at 12 a boy bar-mitzvahs at 13.
Girls mature physically faster. I have a picture of my cousin and me at age 9. She is a month younger than me and a head taller. She has since grown into a relatively tall woman (5’ 9”) and now I am taller, but at that age, she was a giantess.
Girls also tend to grow continuously while boys “sprut.” So boys lose whatever grace they attain while trying to grow into their bodies.
But the biggest reason girls are superior to boys at this age is that they form alliances easier. This is man’s downfall. No, not “us” man, but our cousin the Neanderthals. In a one-on-one competition, my money is on the Neanderthal. He’s tougher and better at surviving against nature. However, our cousins are extinct. Why? Because while as individuals they were superior, as a group they were inferior and rarely formed coalitions greater than an extended family. Homo sapiens went on to form tribes, city-states and nation-states.
In a not-so-much-more-current example, I can recall an incident at the playground. The girls were on the swings, a girl would not get off her swing until there was another girl waiting to get on. She would jump off, and hold the swing for the next girl, handing it to her. The boys never got a chance.
Boys compete, girls clan.
Some of this is stronger in other cultures. In Japan it is not uncommon seeing 80-year-old women toddling down the street together holding hands. They did the same thing when they were three. One of the cultural clashes between American GI and Japanese bride was that he came home at night to be with her. It interfered with her time with her girlfriends. How dare he check up on her!
Both sexes eventually grow out of it. They learn how to adjust to a so-called adult society. Maybe we would be better off if we still did at least some things “just for fun.”
May 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm
OK, I’ll keep going on this one-person thread.
Oddly enough, when I “discovered girls” at about age 15 (I was a late bloomer). I didn’t look for a dominant girl. I liked girls who were active and self-confident but I wasn’t out for a girl who would “take charge” of me.
There was a semi-logical reason I choose to ask Mrs. Mule to marry me. We were in the middle of the Vietnam war. I was a pilot. My chances of being gone for a long time were very good. My chances for being gone forever were uncomfortably good.
So I needed a woman who did not need me. I certainly could not do, as some of my squadron mates attempted to do, come home from being gone, walk into the house, and say, “Hi honey, I’m home - thanks for taking care of everything for me, and oh by the way, I’m back in charge.”
Mrs. Mule had to be in permanent charge of a portion of my life. I needed a strong woman and I got one. I was very comfortable (albeit not at all happy) leaving her behind. I could not expect her to give up her leadership simply because I was temporarily on the scene.
Many service wives face this problem. They either don’t know what to do when their partner is gone, or they adapt. Adapting back to a submissive role when Johnny comes marching home isn’t easy and does not always happen.
I am no longer in service, and the roles Mrs. Mule and I share have changed. Yet she is still in charge of a great part of my life. I would not have it any other way.
May 28th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
I lived in a very female dominate household growing up. I’d like to find a domineering bossy woman now. I’ve learned well how to do what she wants.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I guess a combination of things led me to desire a female led relationship. I was an only child and my parents fought a lot. Neither was dominant over the other and the chaos and bickering just continued until I left home. However, during my formative years, I had a neighbor whose mother was in charge of the family, although no one would have ever recognized it as a matriarchal household. Whenever I was at his house, I could see how she kept the whole family together with discipine and love. I could see how my buddy’s father was just crazy about his wife, and willing to do anything for her. The whole atmosphere was one of security, wisdom, and affection, as corny as that might sound.
As for the more sensual aspects of FLRs, I think that came partly by being exposed to certain classic movies and books had femdom elements. Of course, all these elements probably reinforce each other, and it’s hard to separate all the possible causes, at least for me.
June 3rd, 2008 at 5:46 am
I’m sort of like you Wes, only I was in the household with the loving relationship. If people were to ask me who my top female role models are, I would include among them my father. No, he didn’t wear skirts or anything like that.
My dad had the typical macho job, working in construction. In an era of “Father Knows Best” he was the nominal head of household, but Mom ran the house and was responsible for almost 100% of the childrearing. My dad obviously loved my mom. He did not fawn all over her with slavish devotion, but he respected her and included her in on all the family decision making. On the rare occasions when they fought, they fought well, and did not belittle each other. It was about issues and not each other. In no way was my mom ignored, treated as “the little woman” or put on a pedestal.
Mom also had her hidden talents. She had no problem going fishing with dad, my sister and me. Dad had to bait the hook and take off the fish, but spending time with the family in a rowboat and an 8.5 HP Evenrude outboard put-put features prominently in my memories.
She didn’t mind getting dirty either. Dad did most of the projects around the house since he was so handy, but mom could paint and hang wallpaper with the best of them. Mrs. Mule’s quite the painter herself.
Dad also was the family gardener, and grew he most beautiful roses and the most delicious tomatoes. Not many men garden nowadays. I dig the holes and haul the dirt; Mrs. Mule plays with the flowers.
Mom really blossomed after the death of my father about a decade ago. She found a long-lost sense of humor and became active in local politics and civic activities. We were able to have very intelligent and interesting discussions. My sister and I do not miss our parents. We have a lot of fun telling tall tales of the times we had with them.
My sister is a couple of years older than me. She was a very active girl. I have to admit that I played the sexist card with her. “But mom, B does it and SHE’s a GIRL!” I always had a great relationship with my sister, and by extension, other women. I got along very well with my sister’s friends as well. They were not hesitant to engage in “girl talk” when I was around. Consequently I learned how the other side lived and became comfortable with girls.
When I started to notice girls (about age 15 — I was a late bloomer) I was attracted to those that were like my sister, active, confident and with strong personalities. I dated several of these and I married the best of them.
Then there is Mrs. Mule. If all women had their act together the way she does, women would rule the world. While my sister is more like my father then my mother, Mrs. Mule is more like her father than her mother. (Thank God. I love my mother-in-law, but I could not live with her.). Mrs. Mule’s dad and my dad were a lot alike.
So instead of marrying a girl just like the girl that married dear old dad, I wound up marrying a girl who was a lot like my dad. Freud would have been disappointed.
June 6th, 2008 at 10:11 am
Many years ago I needed to leave the pressures of work behind and instead of going to bars with the guys I visited the girls. My interest was only to escape so I learnd about BDSM. Over the years I had come to the point of needing to be controlled by women. I divorced my wife and moved in with a woman who found the subject exciting.
Over the course of a few years she had become the natural head of our home and I became her submissive and soon I was turned into her housekeeper and maid.
I found this relationship perfect. I was always willing to submit and soon I had to submit to her because this was what I required. This became my nature. I grew into this role and accepted it.
Then menapause hit and my wife changed entirtely from leader to remote partner and then to housemate. It was within a year that she turned her back entirely upon the leadership role she had thrived performing.
Still, I dressed to do the housework and to serve tea. She helped me to acquire a wardrobe suitable including mulktiple uniforms. This went on for a couple years until finally even this was of no ineterst to her.
The story may not be finally over between us but it has changed dramatically and I am sad, frustrated.
Women who have experienced the role of absolute superiority… why they would give this up is odd. For a man who is a lifestyle submissive, losing his leader is crushing.