Spoken S&M – Verbal BDSM
Verbal abuse should be dropped from the list of consensual sadomasochistic fetishes. The term has terrible associations. Verbal sadism (or masochism) fits better for those of us who want to participate in it knowingly.
I’m not going to get in the rut of writing about it. But just as physical sadists are sometimes uncomfortable with emotional S&M even those who don’t mind (ideally enjoy) inflicting humiliation cannot handle verbal sadism.
Why am I am a verbally masochistic man? I have a muddy perception of the sources of these desires. Of primal origin, in the sense that they emerge most likely from earliest childhood. (I was not abuse so don’t be upset.) Maybe one day I’ll make another attempt to outline my personal – probably crackpot – theory.
Because of this fetish’s deep roots it is one of the most moving and powerful experiences that I can have in the context of BDSM.
I do not need it to be happy. Or to be satisfied with a top. But the top who could speak to me with the right tone would be granting me a great grace.
I have copious, fluid and wide ranging sexualities. More narrow masochists may experience this as a serious need. And the bottom may not understand this clearly. It is something the dominant person should be aware of in hopes of understanding why an otherwise likeable submissive person isn’t content. Perhaps even becomes faithless and leaves.
I want to emphasize that many submissive persons do not fully understand their desires. Cannot articulate them. This is true of many people in many situations.
Being mindful of this may make you better able to evaluate a potential play partner. Or understand the failure of a D/s love affair.