I get a bit tired of reading stories about men who try and turn their vanilla women into dommes. If the intersest is not there than I’m afraid its not there. Try getting to know the lady before you commit to marriage.

If you are building a marriage solely on sex, it will fade as sexual desire fades. If you build it solely on FLR, it will rise and fall on the woman’s willingness to take control. If she wasn’t willing to take control on day one, it’s unlikely she’s going to change the way she has been for decades before especially not overnight.

You might luck out and find a woman who is willing to change and maybe even like it. This is something you should experiment with before marriage.

It is also important that you assess how much importance to put on FLR in relationship to everything else that makes you attracted to each other.

For once I can speak with some experience on a topic. Mrs. Mule and I are very happily married. She isn’t very dominant sexually, but is a leader. I’d follow her anywhere.

Would I like her to be more dominant in the bedroom? Yes. But she does what she is comfortable doing (which is a lot more than when we married over 30 years ago) and I appreciate that. Dominance is a nice thing to have for me, but not a very important thing.

Is this a source of contention in the marriage? Not at all. First of all I celebrate what she is willing to do. More importantly, we have so many other things going on in our lives, and we get along so well together in so many other ways, that it is a minor consideration.

To F-P’s point: people can grow apart as well as grow together. If there are a lot of ways in which the people relate, then chances are that growing apart in any one area is not going to put as much strain on the relationship as in the case where the relationship has many ties.

If it’s that important to you and life between you is miserable because of it, then by all means consider divorce.

As has been noted, women are generally somewhat reluctant to emrace the dominent role. But there’s no denying that it also has it’s advantages, primarily free reign in decision-making, priority in use of resources, and ability to shift most chores to the husband. The downside is what many women feel is a something lacking in the relationship aspect of the marriage.

But once you get used to something it’s hard to give up. I would guess that once a woman (or man, if it happens to work out that way) gets used to being the head honcho, whose needs and desires come first, and whose decisions are final, it’s hard to give it up. I would think this could put a tremendous strain ona marriage if the submissive loses interest in the role for unrelated reasons.