FLR / LFA Blogs : A Caution

From the ancient times of usenet groups like soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.femdom and soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm people have pretended their kinky sex fantasies are their real lives. Femdom discussion forums are sometimes thick with men pretending to be domes or at least retailing dreams as reality.

No surprise that this will to prettify a frustrated life should migrate to loving female authority blogs.

I remember following one man’s story as he told of becoming steadily more subjugated by his wife. Suddenly the familiarity of it registered. He was translating trite female domination erotica into bogus autobiography.

And I note some blogs have maybe five posts they repeat over and over again. Typically of being “bad” – sassy or thoughtless – and being punished. Often the punishment is described with the hungry detail of a true fetishist. But the “Mistress Wife” seems just an abstraction. Not a flesh and blood woman. More an automaton of power and punishment.

Sometimes I mark it as an inability to capture a relationship in prose. Other times I feel varying levels of skepticism.

Writing erotica as a diary isn’t a fault as such.


Increasingly others – particularly men who want a female led marriage or relationship – turn to these blogs as sources of advice, inspiration, guidance. To them the blog author is proving an ideal to be matched and giving them a pattern they seek to emulate.

This is why LFA and FLR blogs should be read with caution. As should anything about sexual relationships by unknown people. (Including of course this blog.)

Sure there are plenty of honorable femdom bloggers but be careful in seeking to make your life match some lonely man’s fantasies.

Originally posted 2007-09-01 09:27:53.

How do you feel about it, what do you think?


  1. says

    Yes, kudos!

    but I also believe that any D/s relationship is something one explores with one’s partner and no two relationships will be exaclty the same even though they share similar practices. Therefore online ideas, insights and sharing, needs the final verdict of each other!

  2. F-P says

    Agree absolutely. Most of these women (& men) writing sound like men writing their fantasies.

    Among other things, I doubt if that many women are interested in spending so many hours getting massages and other activities described by the bloggers.

  3. says

    Totally agree with you there. These fantasy blogs create havoc if in the hands of fantasy focused male. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy. As long as you recognize it as such.
    I am involved in FLR fora and the number of women who are willing to try FLR/kink but are pushed by their loving ‘slaves’ to become overnight pro-domme in the flesh are numerous. All that hapens then is disappointment on both sides.
    The women as she feels a failure to live up to his fantasy women (newsflash there is a reason she is a fantasy – she does not exist!) and he is not behaving like she feels a dub should. Obeying her wishes instead of forcing his wishes on her.
    The man as he feels that his fantasy is not what he expected it to be. He feels he has to pull the cart to make it happen. He feels alone and left standing trying to make things work.
    End result if often people no longer communicating and being very unhappy, whereas with communication and differentiating between fantasy, kink and FLR a lot of issues could have been avoided

  4. michele's buttlicker says

    Dear ShadowLady Please come back I love your humane and intelligent positions and yes as a male sub I often jack to them.

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