10 LFA / FLR Commandments For Submissive Men

11 comments to 10 LFA / FLR Commandments For Submissive Men

• Her Submissive Pet

  September 18th, 2009 at 8:35 pm · Reply

  Well … some of those are the same as the rules I have to follow. In my very real life. In fact a majority of them. I love following them and pretty much identify with them 100%.
  1. Dedicate your life to my happiness and give me your uncompromising devotion.
  2. Put my pleasure, my needs and my wishes before your own and never grumble or moan about it.
  3. Obey my rules willingly and obey my commands immediately. Treat my suggestions as orders.
  5. Devote yourself to serving me, both in the bedroom and without.
  6. All chores that need to be done at home are your job unless I decide otherwise.
  8. Listen to me attentively when I speak to you.
  9. Confess all your transgressions to me and never, ever lie to me.
  A couple of notes. In point 6, Mistress sometimes cooks or stops in the grocery store on the way from work . Other than that … I literally do the rest. All of it. Sure we have no kids and live in an apartment but I am very good at doing things very effectively and managing so I have no problems handling it – and still get enough time for my personal hobbies. And yes, unless otherwise specified Mistress does expect them to be fulfilled immediately. She after all is a reasonable and intelligent woman and even though I offer to run out and get Her a snack at midnight when She mentions She would like one, She never actually said yes to an offer like that. But the point still is, I would easily drive/bike/walk to the store fulfill Her wish.
  In point 9, I am expected to confess all my transgressions and not lie to Her. Of course, life is more complex than that and interpreting this point as the “Do I look fat in these jeans?” commenter did seems to be completely misunderstanding the point.
  In point 2, of course I am not allowed to moan or complain. We have both entered the relationship voluntarily and these were the rules. If I am feeling sick, or my back hurts I let Mistress know and She will not force me to clean the entire apartment. Again, boils down to common sense – if I destroy myself cleaning, how am I going to orally pleasure Mistress for an extended period of time in the evening?

  Ok, these are the rules that partially apply:
  4. Never argue with me. Give in to me in all things. Submit to my will and to my authority.
  7. Ask for my approval before doing anything, going anywhere or spending anything.
  10. Request punishment when you deserve it and willingly submit to all punishments that I apply.

  In point 4, I am of course allowed to present my view point but never in a demeaning, arrogant or derogatory way. Never. I am also never allowed to contradict or argue with Mistress in public. She however, registers that I disagree with Her and it is always resolved in private. I would say She is in charge of money, but other that paying bills on time we have no financial decisions to make. Neither of us subscribe to the overconsumption mentality or nor are we compulsive shoppers. All major financial decisions are made together – which is like once a year. She picks my clothes we play dress up, She tells me what to wear when I am at home, She picks my panties for the day and approves my clothes every day. No discussion there. Again, common sense is the key. In this manner She does have authority over much of my life and we both enjoy it. She never even hinted at the fact that it might be time consuming or exhausting for Her. She loves it.
  Point 7, asking for approval. Yes, before I make plans to go out with friends, or commit myself to a social event and the like – absolutely. Buying new panties or make-up? Her permission is necessary. Buying a veggie sub for lunch or a pair of socks? Of course not.
  Point 10, yes when Mistress snaps Her fingers I absolutely have to submit to any punishment She deems necessary. Excessive moaning and crying are punished. And I have to thank Her for every stroke. I usually end up crying – a lot but She always orders me on the bed next to Her, embraces me and reassures me that She loves me and the punishment was simply necessary. I agree. I am not suppose to request punishment. Or anything really. I am not allowed to request orgasms, or initiate play or anything sexual. But again, common sense is the key.

  So all in all, I have no problem with the list. It is a VERY GOOD guide according to my opinion and on my experiences and certainly applies to my relationship with Mistress A. And it could be a good guide for any two intelligent people with average common sense. As I mentioned before, we both entered it voluntarily and can end it at any time. We are deliriously happy together and a part of this we owe these – perhaps strict – rules. One last thought … to rephrase the question, really. If these rules do seem too strict or unrealistic, I wonder, which ones could be left out while still calling ourselves submissive? Just my two cents. Great post for a discussion.

• Chris

  March 3rd, 2009 at 9:11 pm · Reply

  I think the rules are ideal, and probably written by a sub who is like me. However, they presume a loving relationship, where the wife treats the husband almost exactly like a loved but very obedient child, who also is her slave, and expected to do everything for her, which she also expects.

  This is total and irresistible loving slavery. If you are going to ask for it, then accept it. You are a child in the relationship, and she is the adult, so she can always tell you what to do, and knows what is best for you, and that includes total honesty and obedience.

  She will want you to be happy, so won’t beat you, but she might very well want you to discard your interests for hers, so she can find you more interesting to talk to. It’s up to her what you should learn.

  I would think that the submissive pleasure from that scenario would be impossible to resist. That would be a 24/7 dizzy spell of pleasure.

  There are certainly tradeoffs in your life, but the benefit is actual and total slavery with a mistress who loves you and wants your happiness, just as she’d want the happiness of her little boy. That’s the only loss of freedom you have, that of an adult. You spent many years as a child, and were happy then.

  As for all the domestic work, that’s not difficult, and no different than women had to deal with for hundreds of years. With all the modern appliances, it should be no problem. If you were living alone, you’d be doing all of it. Now you just need to do it for another person, and she might want everything ironed, and a great home-cooked meal every night, her shoes polished every time she wears them, and a few other changes.

  That’s not much different than a woman’s life 100 years ago, or a working wife in the 1950’s. Women obeyed their husbands, and did everything around the house. Her joy was to cook food he loved, take pride in how he looked, and to make sure he was relaxed at night after his hard stressful day at work. These were actual values, which women major women’s magazines encouraged publicly.

  The men often totally controlled the finances, and gave the wife an allowance.

  It was the wife’s role to learn to adapt to her husband’s friends, and their wives, and to learn what he liked, to be interesting, for the benefit of the relationship. Women were always attuned to the relationship and the husband as their main focus.

  What’s the difference, as a practical matter? These rules sound “dominant”, but frankly were the rules women lived by for decades in tens of millions of marriages, , including doing their “duty in the bedroom”, and were very happy.

  You need to leave your adult male ego in the trash can, totally, and accept the role of a husband who is simply in a total role reversal of a type of marriage which was common 55 years ago. As women were “girls” then, you will be a “boy”. She’s not going to want you to interrupt some discussion she is having with other adults to express your opinion on something important, any more than a husband many decades ago would want a his little wife to inject her views into something which she doesn’t need to be concerned about. It wasn’t a woman’s place to do that. It’s not a submissive husband’s place to do that either, or a child’s.

  She’ll want you to learn a great deal about cooking, perhaps sewing, and other interests which are consistent with her happiness. That’s your role. Many women love these things; not because they are women, but because they can be interesting and fun. You aren’t born with a love for sewing or cooking.

  She may want you to read some romance novels, if she enjoys them, so you can discuss them with her, or perhaps because they have no violence, or because they focus on love, or for other reasons. If she doesn’t want you to read about or watch fiction which has violence or male sexism, then that’s her decision, and you can learn to enjoy the programs and books she chooses for you, just as huge numbers of people do.

  She’ll want you to integrate with her friends, rather than her bothering with your friends, just as men did. She might let you do things with your friends, but it’s not an equal relationship, so you need to understand that anything she wants is more important than everything you want. That’s what you told her you wanted. Since you will know all about domestic things, perhaps home decor, fashion, sewing, cooking, and other interests your wife wanted you to learn, instead of sports and other things she has no interest in, you should be able to make friends easily with her female friends, and discuss these things with them, rather than politics or something which is better left to women to discuss, who are affected by it, and have a reason to understand it. You’ll never have any money of your own again, so that stuff shouldn’t concern you in the least, any more than any of us should have any concern about or interest in how to fly our own private jet. Your wife is taking care of you totally, and dealing with that. Unless she wants you to learn about that, you never will, and she’d probably rather you learn all about the domestic stuff. She has her own adult friends to discuss those things with.

  Millions of women weren’t permitted to argue with their husbands, and had to learn to deal with being a perpetual child, as regards him. Millions of them were very happy. It’s not licking boots. It’s simply being like a totally obedient and loved child, which is what husband’s treated their wives like.

  If many millions of wives lived this life and were happy, so can a submissive husband. Most of these wives weren’t getting nearly the submissive pleasure out of this that you are going to get, so your life is infinitely better than theirs was, and they were happy.

  You are simply discarding the traditional male role, and totally embracing the very traditional female role. It’s not the female role for you, but the male role, since you think it should be the male role, at least for you. That’s all you are doing.

  There is nothing wrong with that. It’s simply unusual. Get away from gender stereotypes, and the male ego, and explain to me why you can’t embrace that role as well as any wife in history, almost none of whom had vast submissive pleasure to help them enjoy that role.

  It is a very normal role. It’s simply not normal for this era and your gender. There is nothing in the male or female brain which programs your interests in, based upon your gender. You can give up golf, sports, an instead learn to love to cook, and sew, and garden, just as any “person” can, of either gender.

  Husbands “asked” their wives to get them a drink, or whatever, but it was actually a polite order. He expected it, and she always did it.

  You can talk with your wife’s friends who enjoy these things, and any of their spouses who may also enjoy these things. Many of them will share some of these interests. Nearly all of them will be women, but so what? You have rejected the male role, so won’t have much in common with men. That’s just a reality of your new role. You don’t know anything about sports, and they don’t know anything about sewing, and neither of you has any interest in learning about the other person’s interests. To each his own.

  For a service submissive, this is pure Heaven, and nothing bizarre as a lifestyle, since it was the lifestyle for tens of millions of couples for hundreds of yearas. The idea that it is unrealistic is unsupported by massive evidence. The only difference is that it’s the husband who has the totally subordinate role in your relationship.

  Male subs can’t seem to get rid of their male ego. They want episodes of submission, but that male ego wont’ let them surrender to what is/was a very appealing lifestyle for tens of millions of people. She is happy, having the control she wants, the power, the money, and the wonderful home life, with a husband she loves, and who loves her. You are happy because you are submissive 24/7, and are making her as happy as possible, in the totally subordinate role you love.

  You both live in a perfect home, with wonderful meals, clothes which are always washed and ironed. Serving meals to her and her friends, and drinks, is part of your role, as it was for wives. People will become accustomed to it, so long as you don’t kneel at her feet. It makes both of you happy. Be happy.

  There is no law which says a female can’t be the total head of the household, and many women will enjoy she has that role, and you don’t. Become friends with them, and they will be good friends, totally accepting of your role. If you are not ashamed of yourself, people won’t tend to be ashamed of you.

  Some will admire you, realizing how very strong you need to be to accept that role. It’s easy to be brave when you are doing something most people do. Going against the grain takes real courage.

  Wives got their husbands slippers for centuries. You can get hers if she wants, and take off her shoes, and also do her nails if she wants, or wash and set her hair. This is not fatiguing work. Anyone can learn it and become interested in it.

  Forget that male ego, and do it willingly and forever. Focus on her totally, just as women were required to do, and were often very happy. This is not a difficult scenario to live, nor an unrealistic or bizarre one, as a person of whatever gender, if it’s what both people want in principle and to make them happy. You simply need the courage to live it.

  • Chris

    March 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 pm · Reply

    Now the scenario I discussed was one with a “dominant” woman, who enjoys that mistress/slave relationship, in those terms.It’s time to examine reality. Most women are submissive, and most men dominant, as a matter of erotic pleasure. The women leave that in the bedroom, and tend to want a relatively equal relationship.

    I’m very confident that because women are submissive, there are many more truly submissive women than men. We don’t recognize them as such, because they simply enjoy “the traditional female role”. We still have no problem with that. These women have decided they are going to be their husbands’s slaves, and they do exactly that. They cook all the meals, they let him control the money, they “ask” him if they can go out to wherever, or buy something, they serve him drinks, to all the housework, laundry, and never argue with him. Such a woman isn’t regarded as bizarre by her lazy husband. She’s a gift from heaven.

    So if that’s accurate, it’s very unlikely a submissive male is going to encounter a dominant female. They are even rarer than submissive males. A woman doesn’t want that kind of relationship.Erotic and emotional pleasure causes the male to “top from the bottom”, putting pressure on the female to do something she doesn’t want to do. The slave is in control of this relationship; not the mistress.That’s not a FLR. That’s a MLR.

    Your wif won’t want to treat you like a child, nor does she want her friends to see you treated that way. You are an extension of her, and she of you. She will be judged in part by you.She wants you to be respected by her friends and also their spouses and other men. She wants you to have male interests, and be perceived as “masculine/normal” by everyone, including herself.

    She doesn’t think it was fair for women to be treated like they were 60 years ago, and doesn’t think it’s fair now.

    She has evolutionary instincts, which include nurturing, feeding, and caring for a family. Women often enjoy housework, some laundry, and often cooking and serving dinner. They really don’t expect men to do one-half of the home stuff in a marriage, and are very happy when they can get even close.

    So what? Isn’t this all about the woman? In a FLR, shouldn’t she be as happy as she can be, even if that includes her doing most of the housework, laundry, and cooking?

    That’s a true FLR, doing what makes the female the happiest. If I was younger, and dating a vanilla woman seriously, I would tell her I had submissive desires, and that I’d like to make an uneven bet with her, which if I lost, I’d be her slave for 30 days. I’d obey her totally, excepting something permanent (such as a tattoo or something).

    Few women could resist that. So you lose, and you are her slave. Forget about it. If she lets 30 days go by, and nothing happens, then you are better off in a vanilla relationship with her. She knows you get submissive pleasure, so never remind of that. She is wary of this, and afraid of huge change or pressure. Give her none. That will make her comfortable.

    Then perhaps you’ll have a disagreement, and you’ll not argue with her. She’ll like that. No pressure, no demands. So far this is totally positive for her. Perhaps you’ll want to play golf, or watch sports, and this time she really wants you to go with her somewhere, so she tries it, and says you have to obey her. Obey her. She’ll like that. It’s even more positive for her, with absolutely no negatives.

    You are also in a FLR, and are her slave, totally, which is what you want. The entire relationship is based upon her happiness, which is what you claim you want, and what she will naturally want.

    Perhaps during that 30 days, she might experiment with a few other things. Women, like men, are curious. So far everything about it has been totally positive for her. Maybe she’ll have you cook a meal, or do the dishes. Do it, but never ask to do it.

    If she asks you what you want, tell her (honestly) that you want whatever she wants, and that’s the whole point of the FLR. She should always have what she actually wants. If she enjoys housework, she should do it. If she enjoys having you do it, you would love to do it.

    It wouldn’t surprise me if after 30 days, if you ask her if she wants to try it for 60 more days, she will agree to that. Why not? There are no fights, arguments, or conflicts (from her perspective). If she is tired, she can simply tell you to do something, and you happily do it. That happens to all of us now and then.

    You are her slave. She won’t embarrass you in public, since she wants people to respect you, but who knows? Perhaps some night she’ll decide to order for both of you at a restaurant, or pick out a shirt for you, or tell you to get off the computer, to spend time with her.

    The more she realizes it is totally positive, the more she will become comfortable with it, and probably the more inclined she will be to take more control of the relationship, as it suits her, and she is comfortable with.

    You have achieved your goal. You are her slave. You have made her happier. She is in total control over every aspect of her life and your life, to the extent she wishes to control it. Isn’t that what you want?

    You need to try it. The problem every sub faces is that if he can’t get massive erotic pleasure from being her slave, he would rather have a vanilla relationship; so they defeat their own long term goal by putting pressure on the wife to do things which make her unhappy, rather than happy, so she will not like it.

    A sub needs to realize that, and be very very patient, and be satisfied with the reality that he is her slave, and that the actual format of the relationship is totally up to her, as it should be in a FLR, by definition.

    If over the period of a year, she virtually ignores what you have already told her at the outset gives you immense pleasure, even though you have never put the tiniest bit of pressure on her, then you may wish to terminate the FLR aspect of the relationship. If you make that decision, stick with it. She did get benefits from it, so might wish to continue with it, but the reality is that you have given her a year, and any continuation of it will be her trying to please you with something which obviously she is uncomfortable. Just explain that, and go back to a pure vanilla equal relationship. She had her chance, and you were offering her a priceless gift, which she simply didn’t want, as a practical matter. That’s not her fault, but if you were happier in an equal relationship than this FLR where your wife never thinks about pleasing your submissive desires in the least, as her natural way of thinking, feeling, and behaving, then it’s not your fault if you prefer to terminate that FLR aspect of the relationship. She fell in love with an equal, so she can’t complain.

    That’s what I’d do, if I was young. You have nothing to lose, and she doesn’t either, since she totally controls the dynamics of the FLR. You never know where it will lead, but you need to realize that it’s not going anywhere, except very slowly. However, for all you know, two years from the time you become her 30 day slave, you will be doing most of the domestic stuff, cooking and serving most of the meals, and she will be very happy to have a totally obedient husband, and to make him happy, since she realizes it’s totally her choice, and she loves him.

    This is the only chance almost any sub has to be a woman’s slave in nearly all relationships. It’s easy to be her slave. The only issue is whether you are happy, over a long term, as her slave.

• Dev

  March 2nd, 2009 at 3:33 pm · Reply

  Besides the unrealism, where is the possibility for growth and learning on the woman’s part here?

• Robert

  March 2nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm · Reply

  These rules are not written in stone and you can modify them to suite your personal situation. Many men prefer a female led relationship as they recognize the superior analytical thinking of the female. It is only in the last few hundred years that males have dominated as leaders in the world, before that it was mostly female lead hierarchies. Now look at the way the world has turned out.

  Back to the home front, most men want to make their wives happy but it is easier to sit and watch TV while dinner is prepared as most women do as they have been programmed to do and even reject taking the upper hand in a relationship. I believe the stereotypical housewife persona has been successfully programmed into them over several generations.

  Many women seem to see the female led relationship as some kind of fantasy. If it is then a lot of women are living out a very comfortable fantasy life. Contrary to some beliefs there is no major effort required by the female, men are not totally without brains, They know that the house cleaning must be done and the meals must be prepared the garbage taken out and the lawn cut. I do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, make the beds, do the banking on line and many other things. I also do the entire normally male chore like change the oil in the cars, cut the lawn and maintain the house. We do not sit like a robot waiting for a command to do something, we know what is needed and are quite capable of doing it without direct input.

  In many cases the male will want to keep the male persona while in the company of others and that is OK as long as he remains always respectful and remembers his place. This is easily done with basic chivalry.

  Most men need some help in connecting to their nurturing side and there are many ways to do this. In my case it was rather simple I think. What started, as simple role playing during sex wearing female panties for my wife’s amusement soon became a daily routine. Now when I get home from work I change into my panties and pantyhose (under my normal male attire when the kids are around) and start some simple household duties. At first this was sexually exciting and sexual gratification was given at first but within a week or two the sexual aspect naturally faded but the nurturing behavior remained. Now during the weekdays at work I wear normal male underwear and work a very masculine job. This gives me lots of time to use my up my male hormones or express my masculine side. (I think this is important to maintain a male female balance).

  Other behavior that my wife has noticed while I am wearing the panties is that I am much more compassionate and understanding, I listen more and engage in more conversation, I an more affectionate, attentive, and in tune with her feelings. This is all quite a turn around from the overbearing ignorant attitude that I was programmed with while growing up and can not see why more women would not want this type of relationship. I am still every bit a man and allowed to pursue my male interests when there is time. If you met me in the street you would definitely not question my masculinity.

  I have talked with several other people on line and many share my exact experience. Some men are controlled by being locked in a CB3000 and we have tried that device but it did not work well for us. The use of the panties seemed to achieve the exact same effect.

  There is some simple discipline that can be used if I do not keep my wife happy or if she just wants to play. The CB 3000 we have does not get used anymore except for teasing but could be a powerful tool for troublesome males. After noting my different behavioral patterns my wife now often selects my panties as she feels. There are control top panties that fit very tight and are very uncomfortable as far as my male parts are concerned. A couple of hours in those and I’ll be hunting for my shriveled parts when I need to pee. These defiantly take my mind off away from any sexual thoughts and keep me focused on domestic duties. We call these the punishment panties. Other panties bring out certain other traits. The silky black high wasted panties with black tights make me very domestic (my maids outfit). The boy shorts tend to make me more attentive to her needs and tend to lead to massages, foot rubs any other pampering she wishes (my personal maid outfit). The very sexy lace low-rise bikini barely holds my aroused manhood and provides a sexier feel that tends to make me very attentive to her sexual needs (my upstairs maid outfit). My sexual needs are secondary and although often met are not of primary concern. As my main concern is my wife’s happiness I my needs seem to be filled by fulfilling hers So as you can see my wife has a great deal of control without much effort at all. I may be told to change panties a couple of times in an evening or during the weekend days depending on her mood.

  So I understand that many think that a female lead relationship is not realistic. But I hope that this shows just how easy it can be. The mechanisms employed here work very well for a lot of couples but many others use different means, it all depends on the personalities involved. It could be as simple as asking? It could be a mater of observation or experimentation to see what controls may work in your situation, you may not require any or if you are more aggressive you may like to go more towards the BDSM side.

  Go ahead, take control and make the relationship the way you want it.

• nEthing4Her

  March 2nd, 2009 at 4:16 am · Reply

  Such a litany of rules could only exist in a perfect world – i.e., one pinned firmly beneath the sharp heel of a global and totalitarian Gynarchy. Oh, if ONLY…

• maymay

  May 12th, 2008 at 7:04 am · Reply

  These lists should be called “How to fuck up a D/s relationship.” Here’s a few better ideas that I call “How not to fuck up a D/s relationship.”

• Eileen

  May 5th, 2008 at 7:53 am · Reply

  I think what annoys me most about these lists is that keeping up with a relationship like that would be a full time *job.* For me. The *top.*

  Ask for my approval before doing anything, going anywhere or spending anything.

  Ugh. No sane person has the time to make decisions for two adults.

• aldozyd

  August 13th, 2007 at 4:51 pm · Reply

  i do not think these rules are for real life. talk to your spouse, try to come to an agreement when needed. i am allowed to say i’m the boss. why? because she said i could. i will always strive to keep wife/mistress happy-because if she is happy i may be happy–and vice versa.

• Nigel

  August 2nd, 2007 at 3:59 am · Reply

  I believe in general these rules make a start! Do they allow for emergencies? a “communications” safe-word may help. How does one define happiness in rule 1? Happiness is so subjective but one might argue that trying to fulfill that in a loved one is worthy!
  However, I think rule 9 conflicts with rule 1! For example; If Mistress came to me and asked, “Does my bottom look fat in these jeans?”
  Does one say, “Yes” in accordance with rule 9, to tell the truth all the time; Or “No” in accordance with rule 1, in dedication to the happiness of Mistress!

  No mention of love, tenderness, understanding, compassion, thoughtfulness, caring, cherishing, kindness or affection? I may not be a “real” submissive but I know what service is and I do not need rules to share this gift or surrender to the WOMAN I love.

• roo-roo

  July 19th, 2007 at 9:06 am · Reply

  I got a good laugh out of this list. The “domme is always right” mentality is one way to end an otherwise solid relationship. On top of that, these rules make it sound like the man has no needs and that his fulfillment in the relationship is unimportant. That might work in some chat room, but in real life, it just doesn’t happen that way.

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