My Wife Isn’t Dominant Enough!
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That the “Mistress / Wife” isn’t sufficiently demanding and bossy or enough of a disciplinarian is a common complaint among men in the early stages of attempting to establish a female led marriage.
This is inadvertent honesty. If the woman doesn’t want to be more than so assertive, controlling or punishing and the relationship is all about her pleasure then what could be the complaint?
The reality is that the submissive husband wants his jollies.
There’s no shame in that. But it is hypocritical to say it is all about her when it is at least as much about you.
Be honest that dominance and submission has to be mutual to work. The truth will diminish confusion and minimize feelings of hurt and neglect.
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September 12th, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Yes! There are so many of the “it’s all about her” types out there; they don’t realize that for a real-life relationship to work, both people have to be satisfied. Honesty is a simple solution to this. But some think that being honest about one’s desires is topping from the bottom or is somehow un-submissive……..so they resort to being manipulative and dishonest. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your interests and fantasies; in fact, most dominants will *want* to know these things.
September 17th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
I’m not sure about this. On the one hand, obviously these guys are trying to pressure their wives to accept a superior role. So one might argue that it’s not a superior role at all, since its driven by the husband’s needs and not hers. OTOH, suppose Bill Gates suddenly got really turned on by the mere thought of giving huge amounts of money to me. Would I complain? No. I would only hope that his fantasies got even stronger so that he might give me even more money. Point is that if he were to give me money on this basis, it would be “all about him” and his fantasies, but as a practical matter it would be money in the bank to me.
So it’s true that the driving force behind the submission is the husband’s need for submission. But as a practical matter, his need is to put his wife first in all other areas. So she gains in that sense. The chores get done by a willing servant, the household money gets spent primarily on her, she gets to make all decisions etc.
Of course, this only works to the extent that she happens to enjoy the things that the husband fantasizes about. I can see real difficulties where this is not the case, and I imagine this is a lot of instances.
Out there in FLR fantasy land, women enjoy spending hours and hours getting their backs rubbed, sitting in bubble baths, drinking wine in candle-lit rooms, having their feet pedicured and similar stereotypical pampered-female delights. I would have to think in real life, actual women would reach a point of diminishing returns with these activities after a while. Similarly the prevalent notion that women are primarily interested in having their mates service them orally does not conform to reality, I would guess. I can see this as a problem.
What would be ideal is if the couple could take the elements that appeal to both and form a relationship on that basis. But I don’t know if this is possible. Because a lot of guys might agree to this (in the hopes of getting more) but would be ultimately dissatisfied with a relationship that fails to live up to their fantasies.
September 18th, 2007 at 8:44 am
I should also add another important aspect, which is that guys who need to feel submissive need this on a frequent basis, which can be something of a chore for the wife if she herself doesn’t get off on being dominating. I think one of the websites put it - with regards to orgasm denial - something like “the husband’s desire for orgasm can be denied but it cannot be ignored”. Because the husband can get his kicks either from getting an orgasm or from being denied an orgasm. He would prefer to get it the latter way, but one way or another he wants to get his kicks. If the wife is ignorant of this or can’t be bothered and figures that since he is being denied sexual release anyway the whole thing can be ignored, the relationship will founder.
So as a practical matter, this means that the wife cannot just let things slide along and exert her authority when she is in the mood for it or when a situation arises in which it’s convenient for her. She needs to keep her husband happy by constantly “putting him in his place”. A lot of women will probably find this to be a chore that is perhaps as difficult or more difficult than the various housekeeping chores that they are being relieved of via this lifestyle.
September 30th, 2007 at 11:49 am
my Wife and i have been in a very strong led female relationship. She is at home with the kids (they are in school) and i amke a very good income and support them. In addition nightly and more on the weekends i do all the domestic chores while my Queen Wife kicks up her feet and barks out orders. She even dates other men while i am a humble obedient servant for her. i lick her feet daily and i adore this lifestyle. We are quite vanilla in front of the kids. i truly believe men should obey females/
October 3rd, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Relationships, whether wife-led, husband-led, or egalitarian, are still relationships.
And, yes, from everything that I have learned about good relationships, they are about both parties. How that balance between the partners is come to and maintained seems to come in an almost infinite number of ways.
Female-Led is certainly a valid choice, but it doesn’t let you off the hook for doing all the things necessary to building and keeping a good relationship.
April 30th, 2008 at 5:39 am
Mrs. Mule is as dominant as she wants to be. I offer my submission and she accepts. She does what she is willing to do (and I readily admit that a lot of what she does, she does because she knows I like it) but she doesn’t do anything with which she is uncomfortable. I would be uncomfortable with that.
June 8th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
You’re a lucky man, Mule. It took me many years to find my wife. She’s far from my early, naive fantasies of what a dominant wife would be, but she’s open to FLRs and accomodates me within reason, and I’m very grateful for her.
From my experience, it’s a lot worse to have a woman who is naturally dominant in a sexual or social sense, yet unwise or profligate when it comes to the decisions of everyday life. I’m submissive, not self-destructive. When I was younger and stupider, I was engaged to a woman who drained my bank account, maxed out my credit cards, and almost convinced me to liquidate the few investments I had — all because she knew what buttons to press. It took me awhile to learn what should have been an obvious lesson, but I did learn it before it was too late.