Are You Searching for the Wrong Women?

Dominatrix hottie in sexy lingerie.

Are you sabotaging your quest to meet a compatible dominant female?

Do you focus your attention on sleek and voluptuous women who look like fashion or lingerie models? Are you confining your search to only the most conventionally sexy sort of dominatrix hottie?

Is it that your submission can only be offered to the most physically beautiful girl? Without a perfect, high-gloss finish that you can’t feel submissive?

Or do you restrict yourself to such unlikely standards are an excuse for failure? Does it wound your ego less to be rejected by beauty than by a woman is as nice to look at as you probably are yourself?

Why would Angelina pursue you if you don’t look like Brad?

Originally posted 2008-06-08 16:55:09.

How do you feel about it, what do you think?


  1. says

    I struggle with this question many many times.

    The difficult thing for me is that I do have standards when it comes to who I can play with. I do need to be attracted to the person both mentally and physically. Funny how in the vanilla world I can easily date one type of women but in the BDSM world I’m considered too picky.

    When I tell my lifestyle friends that I’m looking for someone who’s fit and attractive they say “you’re too picky”, yet when I say the same thing to my vanilla friends they say “well…duh”.

  2. Enoch Soames says

    Yeah, the assumption is that female tops are very rare so you have to settle for what you can get.

    Some of us are lucky in that the mindset is what we need so we don’t worry about the other stuff.

  3. roo-roo says

    My thoughts exactly, axe. I need to be attracted to whoever I’m playing with or getting into a relationship with. In the ‘nilla world, that’s a given, but in bdsm, people call that “picky”.

  4. says

    This is a tricky one. I feel judgmental towards people who, whether in vanilla or bdsm life, are only interested in conventionally attractive partners. Then again, I’m not conventionally attractive, so that’s my bias. I certainly think people have the right to whatever standards they choose. At the same time, if your standards cause you to be alone, well…yeah.

  5. says

    I’m on board with Dev. As someone who’s not a hardbody and who has only ever been called “cute,” I’m not going to pass muster for someone who wants an Angelina. (Daisy Duke legs? Not unless I could somehow swing a leg transplant.) So if you’re looking for the woman (read, “fetish model”) of your dreams, you have no shot with me and vice versa. Don’t get me wrong–I respect your right to desire whatever narrow range of appearance you choose; but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to respect *you* for the choice.

  6. roo-roo says

    I think lots of average, everyday, non-fetish-model-ish people are attractive and sexylicious. If someone is looking for a perfect physical specimen, that person had better be one himself/herself. Just because someone isn’t a Victoria’s Secret model or a Chippendale, that doesn’t mean they’re not attractive. I consider myself average-looking, so it’d be hypocritical of me (and futile) to seek nothing but supermodels.

    But what if someone is a perfect 10 physically and has a nasty personality? That instantly drops the level of attraction. It’s not all about the physical, but I’d be lying if I said the physical isn’t important as well.

  7. says

    I’m not looking for any woman. I already have all the woman I can handle; I have Mrs. Mule.

    However, physical attractiveness has never been an issue with me. First of all, what I consider attractive and what publishers of fashion magazines or men’s magazines consider attractive are two different things.

    Then there is the matter of extreme subjectivity. The more I like a woman, the better looking she gets. It is extremely difficult to see her objectively.

    At the top of my list are the intangibles: Integrity, Confidence, Intelligence (not necessarily educated), Good Sense of humor (You need one to put up with me).

    The first of the physical qualities I look for in a woman is her smile. I just can bring myself to feel negatively or even neutral towards a woman with a great smile.

    Then there’s legs. A good set of gams are pleasant to look at. I’m lucky here; between right and left legs, Mrs. Mule has 6 feet of them.

  8. femsup says

    I was always taught that just going on looks was shallow.And since I’m a submissive it is doubly wrong and useless as what I really desire and want is a Womyn whose personality is dominant.
    As people know their mothers always look the best to them not because they are the most physically beautiful in the world (an impossible thing as we all have our standards of beauty).What matters to the child is all the things he or She associates with the Mother they love that is embodied in their Mothers face and figure.If that Mother treats Her child well and sometimes even if She does not when the child sees that face it means security and love.
    Anyway I rarely go for convetional beauty as this is usually synonymous with pandering to men and being submissive them.

  9. G_a_t_o_s says

    We all have mental pictures of how The Woman is likely to look. But for my part if she can walk the walk the odds are very small that she will get turned down, at least for a date.

  10. nathanyl says

    Most of the women I have met in terms of BDSM play have been via the phone or internet so we get to chat a while and form some sort of bond before I get to see a photo. Luckily most of them were attractive anyway but for me the attitude is way more important than looks. It would be boring to have a really hot woman humiliating me who wasn’t really into it. I have a fairly broad concept of what attractive is, I tend to look at women on an indivudual basis rather than just saying “I don’t like fat chicks” as one overweight woman might be beautiful where as another it simply doesn’t look so good for eg. I’m not desperate to have any woman dominate me and I think it fair enough that some men have certain standards. At the same time though the standards have to be realistic.

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