You want to meet a dominant woman.
Ok, fair enough. Do you sabotage your chances? Are you too inhibited to greet a woman? So horribly shy that you can’t even say “Hi.”?
Isn’t that a subtle form of selfishness? Isn’t it essentially demanding that she do all the social exertion? Is there some reason she should feel so inclined?
From what many dominant women write on the web they expect many of the same courtesies and amenities that vanilla women do when being courted by a man.
That means that you can’t be a wallflower and expect luck. Besides your shyness is just a form of ego protection isn’t it?
That foolish belief that it is better to have nothing than to have a woman say “No.”?
Originally posted 2008-01-22 16:15:39.
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Is your sample population urban females at fetish venues?
I’ve made this comment on this subject in other places but it may be worth repeating (maybe).
I have a number of Domme friends who hate it when men approach them, they say even when the man is polite and just saying “hi” they know (or assume) that he’s interested in playing or something more than just being friendly.
How do I know that my “hi” wouldn’t be viewed the same way?
At the same time, many Dommes wouldn’t dream of approaching a submissive.
The only way to get around this is to try and make friends with the Domme in question and hope they introduce you to her somewhere down the road.
I agree, Richard. It’s important to get out there and advertise oneself……whether “out there” is a munch, website, party, or something else entirely. No one would know anything about me if I didn’t make an effort to talk to others and be social. Sure, it’s not easy because of my shy nature, but it’s worth it. Besides, even if things don’t work out with a particular person, I’ll have just made a new friend who can keep their eyes open for me.
Unfortunately, this form of selfishness you described is very common in women as well, regardless of d/s orientation or lack of it. It’s not necessarily due to shyness though. Regardless, it’s still lazy and greedy to sit back and expect the other person to make most of the effort. Whether it’s Supreme Mistress Icybitch or Prince Charming, expecting the other person to come along and sweep you off your feet is unrealistic and lazy.
So true … the double edged sword of seeking a submissive male is that they all claim to there is such a sorry ratio of sub males to dominant women but when the rubber hits the road, the problem is that they are submissive to their very thoughts. Some black clad snarling fantasy “babe” is supposed to reach through the monitor and grab him by the (insert body part) and drag him off to (insert scary location)…
If you want to get the woman of your dreams, I suggest* you speak up – eyes lowered is still good form all the while.
I’m not going to ass-u-me every well mannered man is a) submissive b) untaken c) interested.
And as a dominant woman, I do not a) cruise the grocery store in full leather regalia b) hit on anything that isn’t being posessively clutched by a simpering scantily dressed sex puppet c) assume you are anything other than you say…
So start talking and be prepared to back it up!
*When a dominant woman “suggests” you do something, it’s a smart submissive male that does it.