Two Kinds of Punishment

Submissive Masochists vs Pure Pain Sluts


Paddle me and I’m happy. Mention a cane and I’ll be a good boy, the things scare the hell out of me.

Thank you. There is punishment and punishment. The way to encourage good behavior is to reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Don’t forget the positive reinforcement. Even masochists like hugs, kisses and praise. Catch your naughty subs doing things right once in a while, and remind them that putting you in a good mood is what makes you want to play. They’ll try harder to please you if there is a piece of cheese at the end of the maze.

I know that seems manipulative, but you are being manipulated when they push your buttons. Smart Ass Masochists are like wild dogs: they never been taught to sit and beg prettily for a snack, so they steal food instead. SAMiness (where the sub deliberately or unconsciously tries to provoke your anger to get punished) is a very bad habit and you have to train a sub to use other methods to get what they want from you.

Whatever you teach them to do will stick only if it leads to a palpable reward. If it gets them what they need, they will do it again and again. Masochists need pain, they need to be shamed and punished. Knowing this, you have the power to control them, and teach them to be perfect submissives if you will be patient and firm.

It really helps to be clear in your own mind about what exactly it is that you do want from your sub. Too many dominants are unsure about the direction they want the relationship to take, so naturally their subs are completely lost! Have a clear goal in mind.

If you are dealing with a masochist who doesn’t want to be submissive at all, that’s a separate issue. Some masochists really are just into pain and don’t go for dominance games. If you need a sub and all you have is a pain slut, then the D/s relationship won’t work. OTOH, if you are dealing with a sub who has never been properly trained, then that’s different.

As long as your sub is motivated to please you and will cooperate with training, you are home free. Just get into the habit of rewarding what you like and punishing what you don’t. Just don’t ignore your partner. Ignoring is a way to kill a relationship, not repair it.

Old Usenet Post.

How do you feel about it, what do you think?


  1. Charlotte says

    The article is very interesting although it deals not with female led relationships but with sado-masochistic relationships.
    Not all who believe in matriarchy and female superiority are sexually into s/m. I do not consider my husband to be a masochist or myself to be a sadist but as head of my family I use punishment as well as positive reinforcement. I also use some methods that often are part of s/m but I use these methods because they at times are the suitable and effective tools to adjust and correct my husband’s behavior.
    I am sure that it is true that in many s/m-relationships the masochist manipulates and tops from the bottom. This also easily becomes the reality in a female led relationship if the woman is not fully committed to being in charge and actively rule. If the woman in a female led relationship does not care to consistently make the decisions and give the instructions that are necessary the unavoidable result is that the man is frustrated and uncertain.
    Many of us have experienced how annoying and stressing it is to have a boss or other superior at work who does not give clear instructions. It signalizes that the superior will not accept responsibility.
    My experience at work is that women like to be involved in decision making. We like to discuss the matter and influence the decision and as female leader I aim at establishing a consensus that often is fully understood by the women but has to be cut out in cardboard for the involved men. Actually men often do not at all care what decision is made but only that a decision is made and clear instructions given.
    My experience at home is exactly the same. I can have a long and meaningful discussion with my teen daughter for instance about where to go on vacation. If I try to discuss it with my husband or teen son I notice after a few minutes the already tired and impatient look in their eyes. They sit politely and try to appear interested but they do not really care for the discussion, they just want to be told where we are going. I also can speak with my daughters and come to a mutual understanding of what is the appropriate behavior in a certain matter or situation. The girls appreciate to be heard and to understand why this is good and that is bad. If I try the same with my husband and son they obviously are uncomfortable with the whole situation and they wish that I would just come to a conclusion and tell them how to behave if they do not want to upset me.
    This does of course not mean that they always agree with the wisdom of my decisions or always are happy with what I tell them but they appreciate simplicity, which is the natural male attitude and confirms the female superiority.
    I only rarely find it necessary or answering its purpose to use negative re-enforcement (punishment) with my daughters and female subordinates at work. They usually do not deliberately disobey or exceed their powers and mutual respect encourages good behavior.
    With male subordinates at work as well as with my husband and son I have found that positive re-enforcement is necessary. Constantly and almost demonstratively acknowledging their good work or behavior or efforts is imperative. They need praise to be outspoken, they do not understand or appreciate subtle compliments or implied rewards and they need constant encouragement and motivation. As much as praise and rewards inspire them to behave and perform well a good ticking-off and firm disciplinary action inspire them to avoid undesirable behavior.
    To be firm when disciplining males is important and they respond best to swift and severe discipline but for the discipline to be effective it has to be combined with shame. By this I do not mean that the punishment should be humiliating but that errant male must be treated in a way that evokes guilty feelings in him. He must be ashamed that he has failed to meet my expectations and that he has behaved/performed in a way that causes my disapproval. He has to be aware of deserving to be disciplined. That way he will experience the actual punishment as an act of care and an offer of forgiveness. Typically firm discipline by an understanding and caring woman will make a male even more devoted but without a concrete and relatively severe punishment a male will feel something is missing, that there has not been a definitive conclusive reaction to put things right. He will be unsure if the reprimand was really meant seriously or if he is perhaps not really cared for and appreciated.
    To have a clear goal and to pursue it by being consistent and active in leadership is important to all leaders but especially for females in charge of males. Males need constant encouragement and motivation; a male loves to be the centre of attention even when they are punished. They also need occasionally simply to be reminded who is in charge.
    At work I naturally cannot use physical punishment and the law in my country prohibits spanking of children gets a severe caning or strapping when I find it the most suitable punishment. It is swift and sharp and it cannot be misunderstood or misinterpreted so a male responds well to it. I never noticed any signs of my husband being sexually excited when getting the cane or strap and he obviously dreads these punishments but they make him humbly compliant and obedient for a while. I will not deny that for me it is gratifying to use the cane or strap and observe the effect of each stinging stroke. Also knowing that he just gets what he deserves is a pleasure but although it is pleasurable it does not turn me on sexually. What does excite me sexually is the felling of being in complete control when the sore bottom the following days encourages his best and most subservient behavior as well as admiring devotion.
    My advice to any female who decides to take charge in her relationship or marriage: Be sure what the goal is, make it clear that now you are in charge, be an active, consistent and firm leader, do not cause confusion and uncertainty, do not risk that the male feels neglected and looses confidence in your leadership – he needs to constantly experience that you rule.

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