Collaring a submissive partner can be a very serious experience:
A dominant woman wrote:
My relationship with my sub has grown to a level that has gotten me at least thinking about collaring. He is more than ready; he told me that in his mind, he ~feels~ collared to me, even though he has made it clear that he is happy to proceed at my pace (me being the newcomer to the scene and all), even if I eventually decide that we are not a good couple. But I’ve recently realized that I am ready for some sort of formalized commitment, though I am not sure I am quite ready to collar him yet.
For those of you in a collared relationship, when did you realize it was “time”? What did collaring mean to you and your partner? What was your relationship after collaring (i.e. a full-time, living- together sort of relationship, or otherwise?) I know many people here have said that collaring means what you want it to mean; I would very much like to know what it has meant to you.
Collaring a slave used to be a bigger deal. Lately it seems people are very casual about collars, but I think it should be equivalent to an engagement ring: that it should mean something about the level of your commitment to your D/s relationship. Still, there are friendship rings and there can be more casual kinds of collars. I’m not even counting the collars subs adorn themselves with to look servile.
I pierced my husband’s nipples when we were engaged to be married. Already by that time (Mid-80s) a collar didn’t seem to be enough. Of course, there’s collars, then there’s collars. I know of several slaves who opted to accept lock-on, 24/7, stainless steel *chainmail* collars or wrist cuffs. Some people go further and get their slaves sized for chastity devices which lock on.
In general, people collar a slave when they are ready to claim ownership and exercise exclusivity rights as a mistress or master. If your slave is someone else’s spouse, a collar is probably the only way you can mark them as your slave. Exclusivity doesn’t mean monogamy. You can collar more than one slave, but slaves traditionally only wear one person’s collar, and it means that, as a slave, they are devoted to that one person.
Nothing stops your fella from buying one and wearing it to honor you, as a form of self-expression. If your man feels collared and that means he feels he belongs to you, a collaring ceremony would be a nice gift for him, assuming you want to encourage him. If you don’t want him for your own yet, try to figure out what your reservations are, and, if it’s something he can control, explain it to him. Give him a chance to perfect himself and win the right to wear your collar.
Maybe you are enjoying the relationship but don’t want to solidify it yet. That’s your prerogative. Just understand yourself, and be clear with him. He may just need to have a firm idea about where he stands with you.
I found wearing a collar deeply moving. It wasn’t necessary but the collar was a potent symbol, external embodiment of my feelings.
Originally posted 2010-07-11 18:05:48.