Collaring a Submissive Male

Collaring a submissive partner can be a very serious experience:

Collared female-led male slave.

A dominant woman wrote:

My relationship with my sub has grown to a level that has gotten me at least thinking about collaring. He is more than ready; he told me that in his mind, he ~feels~ collared to me, even though he has made it clear that he is happy to proceed at my pace (me being the newcomer to the scene and all), even if I eventually decide that we are not a good couple. But I’ve recently realized that I am ready for some sort of formalized commitment, though I am not sure I am quite ready to collar him yet.

For those of you in a collared relationship, when did you realize it was “time”? What did collaring mean to you and your partner? What was your relationship after collaring (i.e. a full-time, living- together sort of relationship, or otherwise?) I know many people here have said that collaring means what you want it to mean; I would very much like to know what it has meant to you.

A response:

Collaring a slave used to be a bigger deal. Lately it seems people are very casual about collars, but I think it should be equivalent to an engagement ring: that it should mean something about the level of your commitment to your D/s relationship. Still, there are friendship rings and there can be more casual kinds of collars. I’m not even counting the collars subs adorn themselves with to look servile.

I pierced my husband’s nipples when we were engaged to be married. Already by that time (Mid-80s) a collar didn’t seem to be enough. Of course, there’s collars, then there’s collars. I know of several slaves who opted to accept lock-on, 24/7, stainless steel *chainmail* collars or wrist cuffs. Some people go further and get their slaves sized for chastity devices which lock on.

In general, people collar a slave when they are ready to claim ownership and exercise exclusivity rights as a mistress or master. If your slave is someone else’s spouse, a collar is probably the only way you can mark them as your slave. Exclusivity doesn’t mean monogamy. You can collar more than one slave, but slaves traditionally only wear one person’s collar, and it means that, as a slave, they are devoted to that one person.

Nothing stops your fella from buying one and wearing it to honor you, as a form of self-expression. If your man feels collared and that means he feels he belongs to you, a collaring ceremony would be a nice gift for him, assuming you want to encourage him. If you don’t want him for your own yet, try to figure out what your reservations are, and, if it’s something he can control, explain it to him. Give him a chance to perfect himself and win the right to wear your collar.

Maybe you are enjoying the relationship but don’t want to solidify it yet. That’s your prerogative. Just understand yourself, and be clear with him. He may just need to have a firm idea about where he stands with you.

I found wearing a collar deeply moving. It wasn’t necessary but the collar was a potent symbol, external embodiment of my feelings.

Originally posted 2010-07-11 18:05:48.

How do you feel about it, what do you think?


  1. slave jay says

    Collaring means acceptance of being owned. a submissive may feel that it is ready, the Mistress alone should decide. It carries a heavy responsibility IF your sub. is a true slave! Mistress would become Totally Responsible for Her slave. It’s well being, physical and mental. Many do the collar but do NOT understand the full implication. very few subs are true slaves. Owning a slave that is totally Yours and it’s Total Devotion are very serious issues.
    Once collared, whether or not a collar is constantly worn, or only at special times, makes no difference to a true slave.
    Anklets on the left ankle, chain or solid are easier to manage in society.
    Few know the true meaning. Even most Fetish sites do not, not even which ankle! slave trained by a Special Mistress, to become a slave.

  2. Daydreamer says

    My godfather seduced me in his pool when I was 17. I had known him since forever. He’d always been part of my life; like a second father. When he took me to bed for the first of many times, he told me that he loved me, and wanted to show me how to love him more. I felt that he was the only man for me. I was completely ready to be his in whatever way he wanted. I suspect that this is emotional collaring without the physical collar.
    At 17 few are truly ready for commitment. When I graduated the following year, I left home and him to spend a few years in the military.

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