Once I ran across a thread talking about the desirability of a handbook for submissive men.
When I outlined Rules for Voluntary Slaves I pretty much summed up everything I could think of.
Sure, it is a fairly generic list. But more specific strictures would have to be spelled out in terms of the two people and their relationship.
Relationships vary considerably: lifestyle 24/7, people who play with their life partners, female led relationships, those who engage in scenes with people met at fetish parties. And the individual mix of temperaments and fetishes there’s no way a rulebook could possibly fit most, much less all.
My list was just a specialized way of saying that a man who wants to submit to a woman needs to keep respect and courtesy at the front of his mind.
When some men write about their sense of woman worship and their hoped for relationship I find myself baffled some days.
I remember one guy writing that showing women respect was part of his contract. And read many who speak of treating women civilly as if it is some conversion they just underwent.
Were these guys hardcore sexist creeps in their earlier life? Women – other people in general – should be treated with courtesy and respect whenever possible. Those qualities are the oil that keeps society and social life running smoothly.
Of course respect would be interpreted as deference.
Being deferential seems a given in a relationship that includes power exchange. I’m not persuaded that it is a virtue when shown to women you don’t know (excluding obvious places like a fetish party if the rules of deportment are known).
And to subject a clerk at Starbucks with you humility is, well, I think a bit daft. Since she doesn’t have a context you are more likely to trouble her by seeming a creep than impressing her with qualities that are invisible and possibly unwelcome. Even many dominant women aren’t charmed to see the submissiveness turned on before there’ s been an introductory exchange and she expresses interest in your submission.
I’ll hazard a guess that if a man treats everyone with kindness and respect he’ll make a better impression on the dominant women he meets.
Once in a relationship if you feel you need the kind of guidance that a handbook would offer then it’d be a good idea to think of a contract for establishing the structure of the D/s part of your time together.
Originally posted 2014-04-14 06:04:16.