NB: The entries I’ll be posting in the Dating category are all things I wrote long ago. I’m not going to re-read or try to improve them.
I hate sounding like an advice columnist. Susie Bright I’m not.
There’s looking for a full-blown relationship and an encounter. Both are hard. Even if you aren’t kinky. The first is the hardest.
Too keep this from getting too long let us assume that exploring your desire to dominate is most important. I’m working from this angle because I’ve been involved with some fine people where the erotic match wasn’t there and it died (and I like men, women, drag queens and am happy and can switch is in D/s).
If you meet someone who enjoys being on the other half of the D/s dynamic and you mesh sexually there’s the chance it will grow into more. If you meet someone you really like and you aren’t sexually compatible it will grow into less.
Having simple encounters gives you a chance to explore what you want: define and refine it. Get out of fantasies into real needs.
For a long time when I thought of BDSM I just wanted to beat the Hell out of me and that was it. Then an old friend confessed her sadistic desires and I found myself in a relationship where we spend most of our time as just a couple. But there are nights when she does beat me, humiliate me: we love it.
Before that I had a few sessions with people I met from the web. Some were good, some weren’t. Even the latter were better than nothing. I learned.
If you do present yourself as a dominant woman on CollarMe or Nerve or wherever be warned. You’ll hear from many needy men who are really greedy. “I’ll do anything they’ll say.” What they mean is they want you to fulfill their fantasies to the letter.
I’m not saying you should adopt the stance of the Femdom bitch. But do wait for the guy who can at least have an online conversation with you.
Do all the standard careful things. Only meet with someone willing to sit have coffee with you in a neutral public place (my own standard whether meeting a transvestite or boy). If it doesn’t feel right, just move on.
Dating in whether on the web or not, D/s or not leaves you meeting many men you wish you’d never met.
After weeding out 99.99% of them I’ve formed a couple of very important relationships. That one after four years of life together ended in disaster had nothing to do with the web. I was making the same mistakes before the WWW.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained: even truisms can be true.