Power Exchange Basics
Submissives of any gender are often incredibly controlling. That said, I think it is helpful to think of the control side of power exchange as a spectrum, in which “control” can be more finely parsed out into two parallel lines or scales: (a) the desire to _exert_ control and (b) the desire to _feel_ controlled. A position on one scale does not preclude any particular position on the other scale: for instance, it is possible to have a high need to control, *and* a high need to _feel_ controlled, all at the same time.
For some, (a) and (b) are polarized (high need to be controlled, little need to exert control, for example, or vice versa). For most people, though, I think where they fall on this scale is widely variable but will tend towards the middle ground.
If you accept this model for argument’s sake, then any given “submissive” could obviously well have a high need to exert control, as well as a need to feel controlled.
Seems to me the trick to finding a dominant partner for a person wired this way, is that they must find someone *more* controlling than they, who (also) has overall less of a need to feel controlled than the titular submissive does. (For if the dominant in fact needs to feel controlled to an equal or greater extent than the sub: well, that results in the “you’re not as dom as you said you were!” or outright switching scenarios, or may be most generously read simply as one person getting to know themselves better. As in, “I thought I was X but I really like Y better.” Which applies, of course, to any orientation in the power exchange.)
Originally posted 2014-12-25 00:44:59.