My husband approached me about a year ago with what I thought was his craziest idea ever. He had been doing some online reading and decided that he wanted me to control his orgasms through the use of a chastity device. Not being the dominant type sexually, and being rather intimiated by the whole BDSM concept, I wasn’t really sure how to react to such a request, so my initial answer was to simply say no. He continued to pester me with the idea and finally I gave in. I figured it was probably another case of an unfulfilled fantasy that would go away once he experienced it for a while, but it turned out to be just the opposite.
Had I known then what I know now, I definitely would have jumped at the opportunity the first time he asked. And so for those women who might have been similarly approached by their significant others and don’t know what the story is, I’ve put together this little page of information and tips. I hope you find it useful and educational in some way.
When Jim (not his real name) first approached me with his idea he kept telling me how much it would benefit me. It occurred to me that this was just another ploy to get me to play along. Little did I know that indeed I would be the primary beneficiary. Don’t ask me to try to explain why any man wants his private parts encased in plastic (or steel, depending on the type of device), but apparently there’s some weird pleasure he gets from the teasing and denial that accompany this little game. As I’ve learned a little more about it, I’ve come to realize that he’s naturally submissive and enjoys surrendering sexual control.
The best part of the deal from my point of view is that while being submissive in this way, he not only turns over control of our sex lives to me, but pampers me to no end. I get whatever I want and he gets nothing, but apparently that’s what makes it exciting for him. I’ll never completely understand that part of it, but as you read on, you’ll see that understanding it entirely really doesn’t matter. Here’s the way it works…
Jim ordered a CB-2000 chastity device for us to use. It’s made entirely of acryllic except for the lock which is a standard hardened steel padlock. It also comes with some plastic locks that can be used when he travels and has to pass through a metal detector. While these can be cut with scissors, it’d be impossible for me not to notice, so he really has to be on the honor system. And like everything else associated with this activity there are consequences for his actions, so he’s not likely to mess.
The only thing I have to do that requires any effort on my part is to attach this device to his genitals and see what develops from there. Let me explain what I mean.
First of all, I secure Jim’s hands with handcuffs. Why you ask? There are several reasons. First and foremost, it places me in the position of authority. What can he possibly do without the use of his hands? He immediately becomes submissive to me, and I honestly feel like I’m in charge – hence the dominance and submission aspect. Second, I once made the mistake of NOT securing his hands, and his primal male instinct was to try to resist and attempt to fondle himself in the process. Finally, there’s a tremendous amount of symbolism in not allowing him to touch his own penis. Ever. It’s part of what makes this such an effective form of denial, and makes him focus all his attention on me since I’m the only one who can potentially unlock him and give him any sexual pleasure.
Once he’s suitably restrained, I lubricate his scrotum and penis with baby oil to help reduce any friction between his skin and the CB-2000. Then I carefully attach the device – taking care not to pinch any of his more sensitive areas – and snap the lock closed. He’s now putty in my hands.
We generally begin by setting a minimum amount of time he’s to remain locked. When we first started out, it was typically three or four days. As we’ve both grown more comfortable with this form of play, I’ve increased the time to three or four weeks. One he’s served his “sentence” (we call it that because he seems to get excited at the notion of an “imprisonment” of his penis), he knows he’s going to have a chance at an orgasm. He doesn’t get one every time which keeps him on his toes and also keeps him always wanting more.
It’s important for you as the “keyholder” to understand is that while a device like the CB-2000 is generally comfortable, it really needs to be removed from time to time if for no other reason that to give it a good cleaning. It’s also going to make things easier on him to have it removed for a brief time so as not to cause any damage to the sensitive skin in the area where it’s attached. When we first started with a 3-4 day term, I’d secure his hands and take the device off for an hour or two almost every night. He didn’t get to touch himself, and there were certainly no orgasms for him during these times. Now that we go for as long as a month at a time, I generally remove the device once or twice a week. His hands are always secured behind his back, but he can watch TV or do whatever he wants (not that he can do much without his hands, but once again I digress).
During the period of his sentence he knows the he must be a perfect husband in order to get his ultimate reward – an orgasm – at the end. While I assign him some chores along the way like taking the trash out or doing the dishes, I also expect some random acts of kindness on his part. These include little gentlemanly things like opening my car door, bringing me coffee, giving me massages (without me having to ask) and even bringing me flowers or greeting cards from time to time. I don’t really keep score, but I’m always taking mental notes of how often these things occur. If that’s not enough, it’s within my power as the keyholder to ask for an orgasm of my own as often as I want. Obviously since his penis is under lock and key he can’t pleasure me with intercourse, but it’s amazing how many other ways there are of accomplishing the task. And he’ll try any and all of them if he thinks it’ll help him get his own orgasm eventually. Train him to pleasure you off in whatever ways you most enjoy, whether it’s oral sex, fingering you, using a vibrator, or even a strap-on dildo. I’ve found that the longer he’s denied an orgasm, the more he goes out of his way to treat me like a princess. Can it get any better, girls?
There are also conditions to his behavior and penalties for infractions. I expect him to treat me with the utmost respect, so talking back to me harshly, refusing to do his assigned chores, or any other uncooperative attitude will result in additional days being added to his sentence. It never fails to amaze me how abruptly he’ll stop an unacceptable behavior (i.e. just about anything that annoys or upsets me like when he drives like a maniac or chews with his mouth open) when I tell him he’s earned an extra day. He also knows that asking for early release will guarantee that he’ll get extra time added to his sentence, plus he definitely won’t get an orgasm of his own when te time is up. What’s even funnier – from my standpoint, but not his I’m sure – is that I really don’t need to keep track of how many days he has to serve. It’s so important to him that he ALWAYS knows the date of his next scheduled release. Sometimes I’ll mess with him and mention a date that’s longer than his actual sentence. He knows better than to question me on it since that’d earn him an extension, but I can tell he’s dying inside. It’s just another means of keeping the power balance tilted in my direction.
Obviously real-life issues sometimes get in the way. If he has a doctor’s appointment for instance, I certainly can’t send him with his chastity device in place. Since everyone’s situation is different, I’m sure you’ll find other reasons for a temporary release as well. But since my rule is an extra two days for each day he’s unlocked, he very rarely asks to be released for something that’s really not worth it. It’s his choice and he has to live with the consequences of his decisions.
While I still don’t consider myself a fan of BDSM, I have learned that many aspects of female domination, or femdom, can be added to our roleplay. There are lots of mistress-slave stories out there that are clearly fiction and/or fantasy, but occasional corporal punishment and bondage can be used as effective punishment and deterent of behavior that I don’t like. It took me a while to get used to the concept, but I’ve completely embraced it now, especially since I’ve seen the many benefits it brings me.
Once his sentence is finally up, and if I decide he’s earned an orgasm, it’s my decision as to how he’s going to get it. If I’m in the mood, then I’ll allow him to penetrate me. Sometimes I’ll even give him oral sex as a special reward. More often than not, however, I’ll simply masturbate him to orgasm. The main thing to remember is that since he’s NOT to touch his own penis, he also shouldn’t be allowed to masturbate himself. Allowing that gives tacit approval of an act which I personally find unacceptable.
One other very important bit of advice that every keyholder needs to keep in mind is that simply locking his chastity device on him isn’t going to give you the results that you ultimately want. Sure, he’ll be a perfect gentleman and all that, but you really need to make the effort to be an active participant in this process. Without being corny about it, find ways to frequently remind him that you’re in charge and that his ultimate pleasure is in your hands. Sometimes it’s as simple as fondling his plastic-covered crotch. Other times it’s teasing him with whatever arouses him the most. The main thing is to consistently live the role of the sexually dominant partner. If you do, you’ll be the happiest wife in your neighborhood and have the other women wondering how you trained your husband so well.
I hope that by sharing my experiences I’ve made it easier for other women to understand what was once a foreign concept to me. Take advantage of your new role and you’ll never regret having agreed to participate in the first place.
This was written by Ms. Kay some time ago.)